TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I spoke to my partner, former lover and dear friend on Thursday at 2:34 pm until 5:15 pm. We joked, laughed, talked about what could have been and what might be. We talked about how we missed each other and how we always could make each other laugh.

He made plans to have lunch with me today.

On Friday morning, at or around 7:30 am; he walked from his house for about 10 minutes; went to the nearby park and hung himself.

While we all were marveling at the snow; our emails came in. Mine was time stamped at 2:30 am.

His parting words; "Milk Chocolate, don't ever give up".

Yet less than 24 hours had passed and he had given up. Deciding to take his own life rather than face another day.

Milk Dud and Milk Chocolate

As we gathered at his home, what we didn't know was that after losing his job three years ago; he fought a great fight.

He tried but the world got the better of him. His lights had been turned off more than three months prior. He didn't have gas to cook food but he managed by using his fireplace. He didn't have a car anymore and his weekly golfing buddies; hadn't seen him in over a year.

He never expressed the trouble he was having. He never expressed one word of depression. He always laughed. Always had a smile on his face but privately he was battling demons that none of us knew.

He addressed letters to each of his closest friends and family. All were different yet they were all the same.

He expressed sorrow for letting us down. Sorrow for having to ask for some form of help in his time of knowing us and then he wrote his own obituary. He wrote to each of us why he choose Feb. 1, 2019 to end his life.

For me; he knew I loved Christmas and he didn't "want me to be sad during that time of year because of him."

He wrote of how he didn't want us to be stressed or worried. Instead we are mourning and missing him. Instead we all want to punch him in the face and then hug him really tight. Instead we are arranging to say our final goodbyes.

However, in all of this; he suffered from a mental illness that none of us knew. Writing this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I loved that man with all that I am and now; my soul is broken and hurting. My spirit is missing the man that constantly referred to me as beautiful and my head knows that no matter how much I am hurting; he was hurting much more.

So today, I cry. Today I miss him. Today I refuse to think of him; hanging from a tree; dressed in his favorite business suit.

Today I remember my special friend and the way he told me that he loved me on Thursday and to never give up my smile for anyone.

Today I honor him. Bobby you will always be remembered as the die hard Redskin fan who loved this die hard Dallas fan to pieces.

Rest easy BP...rest easy.

CYBER BULLYING

I have always heard about it but had never experienced it.

Until last week.

I was on FB and commented on a post. Suddenly, Christina began commenting about what I had said. She even went as far as to go to my other FB page, copy and paste a picture I had taken and post it in the group we were having a discussion in. She was rude, name calling and mean. She was, what you would call a Cyber Bully. 

When I asked why she went to my other FB page and copied/pasted a picture from my page, her words, "I posted it in another one of my groups to show people that you are a SPAMMER."

Wait, what?

How did I spam my own page. I didn't post it anywhere else and I was in my own home. I posted it to MY followers; which I said to her. So unlike so many people on that post that privately messaged me and told me to ignore her. I was NOT going to let this bully get away with 1. accusing me of something I didn't do and 2. take my photo and post to other groups, that I am not in, without my permission or consent.

I responded to one young lady who told me that Christina "does this in a lot of groups and people just block her or ignore her." Uh, no..that is why she thinks its OK. Not today and not me!

She kept on with her barrage of comments and name calling and I responded by telling her that it was "raining in DC all week and I was sorry she was having a bad day but to take a breath and it would be OK." That got a barrage of more aggressive and mean spirited replies including, "OMG, ARE YOU SERIOUS. YOU TAKE A BREATH. YOU ARE SO AGGRESSIVE."
My response came much later and I said, "I'm sorry that you think that is aggressive but sharing my photo is not something that you should be doing." To which she said, "I WILL SHARE WHAT I WANT AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME." (and yes, it was in all capital letters)and then she wrote this, "I see you commenting back but I'm not going to say anything else." I looked and she had deleted all but her last comment. So, I went back and deleted every comment I made. (although I had been pleasant and didn't call names) I wanted her to see that I was in this 'game' to win it. 

Then it happened, someone spoke up and said, "Wow, Christina is there a problem? Why are you attacking Sandra?" 

Boo-yah!

She was caught! and just like that...dead air!

She then had the nerve to private message me and say, "you don't deserve to be on FB." My response, "Yes, I do..it's bullies like YOU who don't deserve it."

She posted one last time and I quote. "You can block me if you don't like me but I am not the aggressive one. You all are." To which a lot of people took exception to it and called her out. 

Many of them are in different groups with her, asked my permission to screen shot her comments and share them. 

Bullies can't handle when you stand up for yourself and for this woman; cyber bullying seems to be the way she makes herself feel good. But she met her match when she said one to many rude comments to me. 

So if you are on FB and know Christina W. (who is a travel agent as well) just know, she is aggressive, a cyber bully and will post your pictures without your knowledge or consent. 

I am breaking her reign on FB of cyber bullying people 

WHEN BEING AN AUTHOR IS NOT ENOUGH

Why do people assume that just because you are an author that you do nothing else.

Well, I have many things that I like to do besides being an author. I like to travel and I like to cook. I like to shop for shoes. I like to read and I like to work with other authors.

Being an author IS enough for me but it is not my only job. 

When people say, "oh, your just an author" you need to speak up and say..."no; I'm an author AND I like to..."

Don't let people minimize your hard work. Being an author is hard work.

How many nights did you lay awake trying to figure out who to kill in your novel? Or if you have to cut out those first few pages of your novel because they just don't fit the way the story is going. 

Now, having a nine to five is hard. But at the end of your normal work day; you are off. 

At the end of the author's work day...never happens. Here is an 'average' author's work day.

Get up, have coffee (because that gets the juices flowing)
Go into your home office or she shed or man cave (wherever you like to write) and sit down.
Write an outline
Or just start writing
Have more coffee
Get the kids off to school (or wife/husband off to work)
Sit back down and start writing
Delete half of what you wrote two hours ago. (it doesn't move the story along)
Begin a new outline for a new novel because you have gotten 'stuck' in your current novel
Wait, its after three already? Kids are coming home. Help with homework 
After getting kids settled,  you are back in your man cave/she shed writing. 
Now you are in the groove and "honey, I'm home" 
Wait, what? it's after six already? 
Get up and hope that you don't loose that train of thought that you had for the problem in the story you JUST fixed.
Dinner, dishes and kitchen done and now back to the writing office.
Now you need more coffee because
Wait, what? it's after midnight? and you just finished chapter three.

Yes, folks that the life of a full time author. So is being "just" an author what you do?

I would say no. 

GOT MONEY???

You have submitted that manuscript. You waited months for an answer on whether your writing stood out. You were elated when they said YES! You received an advance! 

Now you are awaiting for your 'baby' to be delivered.

It went through edits, rewrites, more edits and now it's in cover design. You rejected the first one but the second one is spot on! Then you had to write a synopsis AND short bio.


Your novel is now in the finishing stages of book production.


But wait! You look at your desk and see it.

There's that check you received! You were scared to cash it because you didn't know if it was actually happening! You didn't want to jink it so you left it there, in the envelope until now.

You are published! 

You got an advance and now you have money!

But what will you do with that sudden 'extra' money that you have.


Here's an idea: Use it for marketing! Buy your business cards, buy a domain name or invest in going to a conference and getting on a panel to promote that novel!

See, getting money is great and getting money as an author is greater! 

However most authors look at it like 'extra' cash to spend on things NOT related to being an author. 

You have to invest that money back into your business. 

Remember, I keep telling you that you are now a SMALL BUSINESS and your business is writing. 

Buy that new laptop, Ipad, or desktop computer you've been eyeing for some time. Buy a printer or portable hard drive. Buy flash drives to keep your novels on. Buy that outfit that will become your 'author wear' when you travel and sit on panels to discuss your novel. Buy that carrying case, messenger bag or duffel bag to carry your manuscript when you travel. Buy a nice pen to sign your books with. Pay for some professional photos of yourself and your novel. There are endless possibilities.

Remember, you can write it all off come April so invest it now; you will get it back later.

So what are YOU going to do with that advance for your novel? 

Make sure you choose wisely.

WHERE DID THE TIME GO?

I blinked my eyes and summer was over and now the fall has begun.

Where did all of my time go?

Well, I spent a lot of it,  recuperating from various illnesses and trying to find my drive to write again.

I'm not ashamed to say that I have been occupy my time with relationships and travel and tiny house plans but now is the time for me to sit my butt back at my computer and get these novels done.

Yes, I said novels.

Since August, I have been working on three novels, at the same time. 

Trying to finish up, The Stiletto Stalker. Working on The Teacher's Lounge and also working on a new romance; not yet titled.

See; while it may "seem" that I have become a slacker; I really haven't. 

Life got in the way but so did I. You see, I got in the way of my own writing. Every time I wanted to sit down and write; something would pull my attention away from it. Grand kids ( I have a new set of twins grandchildren, which makes 11 for me!) Work...trying to retire so that I can write all the time. Friends...yes, I love hanging out with my friends.

So you see, my life took on a life of it's own and now I'm ready to slow myself back down and get back to my first love. 

Writing.

So, where did your time go? How did you spend it and was it worth it? 

I can say...Absolutely!

I LOVE MYSELF, DO YOU?

Yes, I heard someone on the radio say that this morning.

Do you love yourself? Some say it is selfish and some say its is being self centered.

What is wrong with that?

We can show love to our children, our friends, family and some co-workers but when it comes to ourselves; we often over look the obvious.

Sometimes you have to take a day to be selfish. Do something you want to do.

Go to the park, by yourself. Enjoy that picnic that you made especially for you. Oh wait, you don't like deviled eggs...doesn't matter. I do!

Go to the movies and see that thriller, romance or comedy that only YOU want to see. Oh wait, you don't want to go. Good, I wasn't going to invite you.

Go out to the bar and treat yourself to a Martini, Red Wine or just sit and listen and watch the people. Oh wait, you don't want to go. Good, wasn't asking you.

See sometimes we NEED to be selfish.

Call off from work. Take a mental day. Yes, those are what those sick days can be used for. What good is your job when you are stressed in it and can't stay home in the bed to rejuvenate yourself.

Pick a day to do this:
1. Sleep late. Turn off your phone, alarms and all other noise making gadgets.
2. Walk around in your pajamas as long as you want to. (or nude depending on your mood)
3. Don't shave, comb your hair or brush your teeth. (Hey, its your day)
4. When you do decide to get dressed, take yourself out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Your choice and make sure it is to a place you want to go to.
5. Take a selfie of yourself doing something you want to do. (you will want to remember how much fun you had so you can do this next month too)
6. Don't feel guilty

See that last thing is most important. We often feel guilty for doing things for ourselves. DON'T.

We are entitled to it. 

We work hard all other days of the month, week and year. Giving yourself one day is not going to hurt anyone.

Imagine if you do this once a month. 

Your co-workers, kids, husband/partner and friends will notice a difference in you. Your step will be lighter. Your mood will be high and your energy will be off the charts.

Just try it once. I dare you! 

I'm having my day today! Today is the day that I am going to be selfish. After all; 

I deserve it!

HAVING FUN BEING ME

This week has been a very good week to be me!

I was interviewed by +Kaaren Allyn of Forward Motion cable TV show

Let me just tell you the fun I had doing this. It was an incredible experience. She is the coolest Jewish woman ever!

She and I traded stories about concerts that we love, rappers that we like, (She is a fan of The Game) just like me and we also talked about seeing Luther Vandross in concert at Constitution Hall. Like, who knew this woman was hanging out at the same places I hung out.

We then got down to the interview and it was like she invited me into her living room and we chatted like dear friends.

We talked about the Book Divas on Tour and we talked about publishing, writing and most importantly, shoes!



She is a shoe diva just like me. We took selfies and had a fantastic time just chatting. It didn't seem like cameras were rolling and that we were mic'd up. The conversation flowed and the experience is one I will not forget.

The show will air on MCM Access 19 on April 29th but here is a few photos for you to enjoy before the show.

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...

Last night I attended a birthday celebration for a friend. She turned 45 and instead of having your typical birthday party, she threw an "Oscar-like" party.

Birthday girl, Kabrena with Me

There were balloons, the #Oscar2014 statue, #paparazzi and even a #RedCarpet. There were 'interviews' with the 'celebrities' and there was a dramatic entrance by the birthday girl herself.

When we all were seated we were entertained by dancers and had a 'not so live band' performance.

Then came the 'nominees' and the awards.

The categories were cleaver. Best Mother Award, Best Catering Award, Best Videographer, Best Photography, Best Community Service and Best Inspirational. There were other categories but after the first two hours they all seemed to run together.

Oscar for Best Author Mentor

Imagine my surprise when I see the category for Best Author Mentor and my picture appears. I was up against some tough competition and I won the award for Best Author Mentor! I was in shock and I didn't have a prepared speech. I did my best #Academy speech and they didn't have to cue the music because my speech was short and sweet.

Although there was a mix-up with the trophy and I needed to hand my back before receiving the right one after the ceremony.

This was a great night for me and I have displayed my #Oscar award proudly in my library. I can now say, I am an Oscar Award Winning Author.