TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I spoke to my partner, former lover and dear friend on Thursday at 2:34 pm until 5:15 pm. We joked, laughed, talked about what could have been and what might be. We talked about how we missed each other and how we always could make each other laugh.

He made plans to have lunch with me today.

On Friday morning, at or around 7:30 am; he walked from his house for about 10 minutes; went to the nearby park and hung himself.

While we all were marveling at the snow; our emails came in. Mine was time stamped at 2:30 am.

His parting words; "Milk Chocolate, don't ever give up".

Yet less than 24 hours had passed and he had given up. Deciding to take his own life rather than face another day.

Milk Dud and Milk Chocolate

As we gathered at his home, what we didn't know was that after losing his job three years ago; he fought a great fight.

He tried but the world got the better of him. His lights had been turned off more than three months prior. He didn't have gas to cook food but he managed by using his fireplace. He didn't have a car anymore and his weekly golfing buddies; hadn't seen him in over a year.

He never expressed the trouble he was having. He never expressed one word of depression. He always laughed. Always had a smile on his face but privately he was battling demons that none of us knew.

He addressed letters to each of his closest friends and family. All were different yet they were all the same.

He expressed sorrow for letting us down. Sorrow for having to ask for some form of help in his time of knowing us and then he wrote his own obituary. He wrote to each of us why he choose Feb. 1, 2019 to end his life.

For me; he knew I loved Christmas and he didn't "want me to be sad during that time of year because of him."

He wrote of how he didn't want us to be stressed or worried. Instead we are mourning and missing him. Instead we all want to punch him in the face and then hug him really tight. Instead we are arranging to say our final goodbyes.

However, in all of this; he suffered from a mental illness that none of us knew. Writing this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I loved that man with all that I am and now; my soul is broken and hurting. My spirit is missing the man that constantly referred to me as beautiful and my head knows that no matter how much I am hurting; he was hurting much more.

So today, I cry. Today I miss him. Today I refuse to think of him; hanging from a tree; dressed in his favorite business suit.

Today I remember my special friend and the way he told me that he loved me on Thursday and to never give up my smile for anyone.

Today I honor him. Bobby you will always be remembered as the die hard Redskin fan who loved this die hard Dallas fan to pieces.

Rest easy BP...rest easy.

DOWN BUT NOT OUT

I am a very private person. I don't share much but this week I feel it necessary to share some things that many people don't know.

Late last year, I mentioned that I had some health issues. Well those health issues reared ALL of their heads last week.

Not only am I dealing with a heart issue but for the past year, I have been dealing with gastrointestinal cancer. (Stomach cancer in normal terms)

This has caused me to do a number of things.

First, I stepped down as the marketing director of Intrigue Publishing. I give of all of myself when I am marketing and when this diagnosis came, I felt that it (Cancer) needed my total focus. I didn't want to slight my authors and I didn't want to turn my back on this 'new' medical issue.

Second, I took a break from writing. Not on my blog but on my novels. I found that my energy level wasn't the same and I wasn't able to sit for hours at a computer but was able to do it in short bursts.

Third, I began chemo and radiation treatments and my final one was on Jan. 17, 2017. To celebrate, we took a cruise. We had an adventure in Falmouth, Jamaica that NONE of us will ever forget. #PricelessMemories

Four, I began plans for my dream home. Many of you have heard me talk about tiny living and this is one thing that I MUST have before my moment in this life is gone. 

Fifth, with this newest health issue, I am now beginning to see life in a different way.

My children and I have come to terms with all that is happening right now and there will be long, hard conversations that need to be had. However, I know that we will get through this.

I have two men in my life and four women that I know will always encourage me.+Austin Alex, Denise, Susan, Debbie and Carmin. (My closet circle) and my girl, my skittle +Paula Lanier

I'm living life slower. I'm living each day with laughs and smiles and I am cutting my stress levels down. No one can live a stress free life but you can alter the way you handle the stress that comes at us each day.

I don't know how I am going to get my tiny home. Why? Because no banks will finance it. No loans can be taken out for it and most tiny home builders expect full payment.

My tiny home will cost me about $32K; of which I don't have but I know that I will have my tiny home before the end of the year. Why? Because I believe that what is meant for me; is for me.

So why do I tell you all of this?

I decided that being a private person is OK but sharing, with the people close to you, is also OK.

I share this to give you a glimpse into my world. I share this, not for sympathy, but for transparency.

I'm living my life like it's Golden. I am cherishing each and every moment I have here and I am not wasting any time dwelling on what I don't have.

I am focusing on what I have. Right now; in this moment, I have a circle of people around me that love me like it's my last day.

And for that. I thank you. 

Friendships via social media

Sometimes in our lives we come across people who become our friends and we have no clue as to how they became that way.

I have many friends that I have met due to our similarities or our work environment or by just being an author. I also have many friends on social media. Friends that 'friended' me or 'liked' my page or 'connected' on the more professional sites but I call them my friends.

One day those friends, for whatever reason may stop commenting on your blogs, or your FB 'status' or your 'comment' but you don't think much of it and you may forget all about them. But not me. I remember every person that has ever posted a comment on my page and one woman in particular has stuck with me. Her name is +Sandra Humphrey and she became my 'friend' on LinkedIn. We belonged to almost the same groups and we 'connected' via the blog posting group.

Every mornning we exchanged a 'good morning' email to each other because we shared one thing in common. She reached out to me when she saw me join the group and even bought my novel. Every day was the same thing...a good morning email and then at least three or four emails throughout the day as we talked about grandchildren and her children's books. Then one day it happened, no email. Hey, we all get busy but I figured I'd see one before noon. Then noon came and no email! and then a whole day went by and no email!

I logged into 'our' group and tried to find her and the strange thing was, she wasn't there. What was going on? I then got a notification that there was a fire and that Sandra Humphrey and her husband had been killed. I burst into tears. I knew it had to be a mistake, but as I tried to search for something that would make that horrible news go away, all I found was a picture of her burned to the ground home and the picture of her signing her books with a big brown teddy bear sitting next to her. That was on November 23, 2012. Our 'community' was shocked and saddened. She and her husband were the love of their community and although I never met her in person, I felt a true sense of loss.

It has taken me six months to finish this post because every time I thought about it, I would cry and now although I am misty eyed, I know that she wants 'our' group to continue to show support to each other and to continue to do what we love; which is to write books that inspire, and help children believe in themselves. For all of the authors that knew Sandra...count yourself fortunate that you knew such a great person; I know I do.

Finding Time...

Today I welcome back Ami Blackwelder.

How many of us have lives that are so busy we rarely have time for ourselves? I mean the cook breakfast for your hubby-run to the car-drive the kids to school-work for money-clean the house-cook the dinner for the family, kinds of girls or guys out there.

          Seriously, I’m talking about the Superwoman and Superman in this world.

          Well, how do we find the time to do it all?

          I’d be the first to confess I was not the best at time management when I first graduated university. 

          No one tells you that the “real” world is not waiting for you and me. That it is a dog-eat-dog world and the first one to the finishing line might not give you a break.

          So, if you don’t become good at time management, cultivating those skills when you are younger, it will only become harder in time.

          Write down what your day looks like on paper. Look it over with a cup of tea, or your favorite beverage. Put the time you start each activity and how long it takes you to do it. Is there a better way to do all of it? A faster way? If you feel overwhelmed, maybe there are certain tasks to do on a certain day and others to do on another? Break up the tasks. Doing everything is not possible, so do what you can and the rest later.

          Make a ‘to do list’. This often helps me. I know I won’t forget what I need done and the weight of it somehow is released, because I no longer have to keep it in my head.

          I like to write days or times next to each ‘to do item’ and then tackle them one at a time. Writing down what you have to do and thinking over how to accomplish the tasks will not only make you feel better, you will be able to get a lot more done. Why? Because you are spending more time accomplishing and less time worrying. Before you know it, it will be done and you will have had no time to worry about getting it all done.

          Well, I hope that helps! But if you still need a distraction at night before you go to bed (or at work ;) please check out my books http://amiblackwelder.blogspot.com

Finding Time

In my continuing effort to bring more people to my blog and to give other authors the chance to blog with me. Today I have turned over BSW to Ami Blackwelder. You may know her from her previous two blog posts but today she talks about finding that all elusive thing called Time. Sit back and enjoy and leave a comment at the end, she likes to hear back from you.

How many of us have lives that are so busy we rarely have time for ourselves? I mean the cook breakfast for your hubby-run to the car-drive the kids to school-work for money-clean the house-cook the dinner for the family, kinds of girls or guys out there.

          Seriously, I’m talking about the Superwoman and Superman in this world.

          Well, how do we find the time to do it all?

          I’d be the first to confess I was not the best at time management when I first graduated university. 

          No one tells you that the “real” world is not waiting for you and me. That it is a dog-eat-dog world and the first one to the finishing line might not give you a break.

          So, if you don’t become good at time management, cultivating those skills when you are younger, it will only become harder in time.

Write down what your day looks like on paper. Look it over with a cup of tea, or your favorite beverage. Put the time you start each activity and how long it takes you to do it. Is there a better way to do all of it? A faster way? If you feel overwhelmed, maybe there are certain tasks to do on a certain day and others to do on another? Break up the tasks. Doing everything is not possible, so do what you can and the rest later.

Make a ‘to do list’. This often helps me. I know I won’t forget what I need done and the weight of it somehow is released, because I no longer have to keep it in my head.

          I like to write days or times next to each ‘to do item’ and then tackle them one at a time. Writing down what you have to do and thinking over how to accomplish the tasks will not only make you feel better, you will be able to get a lot more done. Why? Because you are spending more time accomplishing and less time worrying. Before you know it, it will be done and you will have had no time to worry about getting it all done.

          Well, I hope that helps! But if you still need a distraction at night before you go to bed (or at work ;) please check out my books http://amiblackwelder.blogspot.com

CUTE SHOES...

Today I turn over my blog to my guest Delinda McCann. Talk about a kindred spirit....only another shoe person would understand. Happy Reading...

I grew up as a cute shoes person in a sensible shoes household. How did that happen? It was a cruel joke of fate. My parents were of the mistaken opinion that sensible shoes kept your feet warmer or dryer than cute shoes. Wrong. Sensible shoes still get wet and when they do, you cannot easily slip your feet free to rub against each other and get warmed up. Sensible shoes stay wet longer than cute little strappy things that dry out in no time. My parents refused to believe the basic physics involved in the question of whether big clunky shoes stay wet longer than little strappy cute shoes.

I did talk my parents into a few shoes that were not too bad. As a preschooler, I talked them into some cute little red shoes with a strap and buckle for Sunday school. I really wanted black Mary Janes, but I settled for the red strappy shoes and wore them every chance got. Sneaking out of the house in my cute shoes became a major strategy exercise for me as a very small child.

The shoe war raged without compromise until…um…oh…okay…now you will know that I am old. The shoe war raged without compromise until my parents and I agreed on a pair of white bucks. I even had a bunny bag so I could stop what I was doing and powder my shoes at the first sign of a scuff. I remember powdering my shoes in class instead of studying. I think my grades suffered while I powdered my shoes.

My first purchase when I arrived at college was a pair of cute shoes. I was finally free of my parent’s shoe tyranny. I went to the shoe store and bought the cutest pair of sandals you ever saw. From the sandals, I progressed to a pair of darling, plush lined, fur trimmed snow boots for winter.

All of my torment about sensible shoes is long in my past. I’ve had a long history of high heels, straps, buttons and darling laces. It was about four years ago that I learned that cute shoes are therapeutic. I had a small stroke. My physical therapist toldme to exercise by walking on my tip-toes. I asked about high heels. She said, “Yes! Wearing high heels would be very good for restoring my reflexes and balance.” For the first time in my life, I had a great excuse to buy more cute shoes. I got a pair of yellow strappy sandals with a three-inch heel. My new boots had a strong wedge heel. I have the cutest magenta heels that I bought for a wedding shower. Cute shoes are a valid quality of life issue. I credit my cute shoes for helping me regain full balance and strength after my stroke and for bringing a bit of joy into my life every time I look at my feet.

http://www.delindamccann.com

http://delindamccann.blogspot.com

Are you like the Marines?

Do you wonder what I mean by that? I mean, are you being all you can be...as an author? Are you preparing yourself for marketing, book appearances, book signings, conferences. Are you on Twitter and Facebook. Yes, you need to be on both. Are you blogging, or at least guest blogging. Again, I ask you: Are you being all you can be?

If you answered NO to one of those questions, than you are doing yourself a dis-service.

In the past month I have attended 3 conferences and will head to another this weekend. How many have you attended this year. Your goal should be to do something once a month, that is book related.

Are you on Kindle? Are you marketing your books whenever you are out doing your errands? Don't stand to close to me in line and I see you pick up one of those 'magazines'. I will quickly tell you that I'm an author and if you want to read some GOOD fiction than you should pick up one of my novels, or one of my many friends novels.

Oh, friends. I have made great friends with Jeffrey Deavers, John Gilstrap, and Brad Parks. Did I mention that they are best selling authors. At least two of them are on NY Times Best Selling list. Imagine that! I met them at one of the many conferences I attend. Again, Imagine that! Oh, you don't believe me...well I have pictures to prove it and you will read and see all about it next week; along with the pictures from the upcoming Raven Con conference that I am attending this weekend in Richmond.

Again, I ask you; Are you like the Marines? Are you being all you can be?

Competition is fierce!

Last week I spoke about the 'unspoken' rule of issuing a challenge.

This week I can cheerfully inform you that the challenge was taken and MET by all of my neighbors.

As you recall it started with the neighbor, two doors down, putting out a red bow. This was a neighborhood that only had; at best; one or two houses decorating for Christmas. So I took the challenge and put up lights and bows and then once turned on; issued the "unspoken" challenge to the other neighbors and they have not disappointed.

The neighbor across the street put up garland and wreaths in every window and then the neighbor down the street put up candles in each window and then his neighbor put up bows and a door wreath.

Soon the whole neighborhood was in on the act and the final house; I call it the hold out house, put up their decorations in the past couple of days. I think she waited to see what everyone was doing and THEN decided on her decor. She has a hanging Santa in the tree and then snowflakes outside her front door and then, she has decorated her fence leading to the backyard with lights and I think I can even see a peeking of lights IN the backyard.

So, let's just say that the unspoken challenge has been met...but you never know what will happen next because Christmas is still 11 days away and I could just very well need to do a little more decorating.

Happy Holidays
B. Swangin Webster

What are you thankful for?

As the holiday season is upon us, I find myself being even more thankful than I normally am. This year has held many challenges but through it all I am thankful that I am coming through them with just a few bumps, bruises and scrapes. Nothing that won't heal over time.

In this fast paced life we often forget about things that have made us happy.

Remember when we were kids and simply walking down the street with our friends was the highlight of our day? Or maybe you remember the day BEFORE Thanksgiving, shopping with your grandmother for the ingredients for her famous stuffing or pie? Or maybe it was when you simply sat outside with your favorite beverage, mine would be wine; and just listened to your own breathing. Stop....do you feel that, it's the memory you just smiled to yourself about.

For me, I smile every time I think about my grandsons; Tyson, Jayden, Zachary III and Zavier and my newest granddaughter, Khloe. Nothing in life gets better than that. Just thinking of these five little people, brings a smile to my face that is unmistakable.

So in this holiday season, take the time to stop for a moment and remember the things that make us the happiest.

I will enjoy this Thanksgiving with loved ones and I hope you do to.

Until next week, Happy Thanksgiving and remember; enjoy the time with your family. Nothing; not writing, not the internet, nor the fast paced life that is this world, can replace time with them.