Wednesday, September 22, 2021

THE APPEAL OF CIGARS

When I decided to try a cigar, I was blown away at how ''creamy'' it felt in my mouth. 

Since that first puff, I had to learn all I needed to know about cigars and why people love them so much.

Surprisingly, I have found a lot of women are enjoying a great stick (cigar) and it has really opened my eyes to what people think and why people indulge in cigars.

Cigars are not a habit; it's a hobby. A hobby that takes time 

Cigars are not something for the faint of heart. It is for the person who wants a new level of relaxation.

It is for the person who wants to enjoy at least 45 minutes of quiet time, alone with their thoughts. 

Do you have the dedication to unwind, unplug and just BE?

Why 45 minutes?

Cigars are different sizes. They are:

Petit Corona4 1/240 to 42
Corona5 1/2 to 642 to 44
Panatela5 1/2 to 6 1/234 to 38
Lonsdale6 1/240 to 42
Lancero7 to 7 1/238 to 40
Churchill6 1/2 to 746 to 48
Robusto4 1/2 to 5 1/248 to 52
Toro6 to 6 1/248 to 50
Presidente7 to 8 1/252 to 60
Gigante>6>60

The smaller ones are about 45 minutes in smoke time. The larger, anything over 5.5, is about an hour to an hour in a half. 

In the times we live in; who can actually put their phone down for 5 minutes; let alone 45 minutes. 

After smoking my first cigar, which was actually a cigarillo. Yes, that is actually the name of it. 

A cigarillo is a smaller cigar; about an inch in diameter and only takes about 15 minutes to smoke, but it is the same concept. Unplug, Unwind and Just Be.

More about cigarillo's in another post. 

Getting to know all that I can about cigars, I began what I normally do. 

I hit the internet and YouTube. 

Boy did I find out a lot of information. There are some amazing women who own cigar lounges, cigar products and who have taken on the male driven industry and come up with a cigar line.

This ride that I am on right now is amazing, won't you join me.

Please follow this journey and you will know more about the cigar industry and the people who are in in.



New past time

 In recent months, I began smoking cigars.

Yes, women smoke cigars.

After having Covid-19 and not having any sense of taste or smell for 6 months, (my smell still has not come back) a friend of mine introduced me to the 'art' of cigar smoking.

I have always enjoyed the smell of a nice cigar but since I didn't smoke, I never tried it.

Well, it is not like smoking cigarettes'. 

Cigars are not inhaled; they are only puffed on. Yes, there is a difference. Puffing a cigar is like sucking through a straw without swallowing. 

You fill your mouth with the smoke and then you simply blow it out. 

It is about the enjoyment and the relaxation. 

Smoking a cigar has also helped with my writing.

In my next novel; Matthew smokes cigars. He has a humidor in his home and with my new found love of cigars; I am patterning his favorite cigar to smoke after someone that I have met who is a Cigar Sommelier. 

Yes, there are sommelier's for cigars just like there is for wine. 

I will go into this more next week. I hope you take this journey with me and who knows; maybe I will convince some of you women and or men to give it a try.

Until next week, keep writing and keep reading. 

Monday, September 13, 2021

LIFE CHANGES AND LOVING THEM

Since April, I have been dealing with being a ''long hauler''. 

Since having Covid-19, I still cant smell, my taste came back about three weeks ago but I continue to suffer with fatigue and the massive headache.

I'm a long hauler.

One thing that has gotten me through is my friends. The other thing that has gotten me through are books and the last thing that has gotten me through is cigars.

Yes, you read that right. CIGARS.

I camp a lot and some friends was telling me of the soothing effect that cigars have on their moods and how it just makes everything going on seem less important.

Expressing an interest, that I have always had, Walter and his wife Pam began telling me about the joy they experience when smoking cigars.

After they told me all of this; I told them that I wasn't sure I would be able to smoke it because I don't like inhaling.

That is when they told me that you don't inhale, you only puff. As in suck in a little then blow out. Even showed me and then they gifted me with my very first cigar. +TheStogieCo. Grape was the one they gave me and I loved it. I couldn't taste it, I felt it.

Yes, you feel the creamy, silky smooth vapor in your mouth. It feels like cold vanilla ice cream. Not that store brand ice cream, +HaagenDazs Vanilla. 

I have been in heaven ever since. Cigar heaven. 

It has helped me deal with the headaches and it has helped me deal with no smell. 

In the coming weeks, I will be talking to some people who smoke cigars and why they do, how they started and what it does for them. 

Stay with me cause this ride has just started.

This life change happened and oh, so did retiring after 27 years in the Charles County Public School System.

Yes, my life has changed and I am living my BEST LIFE.

What about you?

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

COVID KITS AND DAILY LIFE


These pictures represent what my life has become. This box arrived and when I opened it; I was shocked. Bottles of hand sanitizer, bottles of shampoo and body wash. Bottles of hospital grade disinfectant. More thermometers and oxygen reader. Oh, what's this; paper plates, forks, knives, spoons, cups and what is this? Blue bags...wait! There are hospital grade trash bags! 

Oh if this doesn't make you understand the seriousness of having Covid, I don't know what will.

Daily life won't be the same for a while because what the news doesn't tell you is that your life will be different.

You can't use your regular dishes because even though you will wash them, you will contaminate them once you put them away or take them from the dishwasher. You can't share a bathroom with ANYONE because you will infect them if they use the bathroom after you. You must wear gloves when you decide to cook because you can infect the pots and pans. Check your oxygen because you don't want to go below 95%. Check your temperature because you don't want to go an higher than 100.4. Use the shampoo and body wash because it will help with the irritation you feel when you get that Covid rash.

Oh this is insane. I never heard of any of this on the news and I guess it will make for boring television to share all of these details. 


The nurse tells me that when I run out of these supplies that I need to IMMEDIATELY call for more. 

I don't want to make that call but this is day 30 of what I thought would only be 14 days. 

Wrong! 14 days is a "on the low end" the range is 14-21 and longer depending on when you get the other symptoms. Yeah, they don't announce that on the news either. 

I'm such an over achiever that I have 14 different symptoms. It's no wonder they haven't found some that they didn't think were symptoms. 

I can take the chills and the heaviness. What I can't take is not being able to smell or taste. I have burned up at least three pots because I'm so tired that I fall asleep while cooking and since I am not smelling the burning of food; I only know that the food is burned when the smoke alarms start going off. Tasting food is out as well. So all I feel is hot and cold in my mouth. I know what it should taste like and I try to remember but it is no use.

Even though I have no taste; I still put sugar in my coffee and add cream. Why? Habit....I sit and try and enjoy the coffee but it's no use but I continue to drink coffee every day. One cup in the morning followed by two or three cups of teas during the day to knock off the chills.

I shower at least three times a day because my body hurts and the water makes it feel a little better. The steam from it helps open up my nose from the congestion. 

I was sent elderberry for tea and it helps. My FB friends are the best! I was able to type all of these blogs during moments of energy. 

You have to take the small things when they come because being in isolation is the loneliest feeling.

 

Covid is not something I would ever wish on anyone. 



 

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

COVID RESPONSE TEAM


A couple of weeks ago, I talked about having a Covid Response Team.

They are a team of nurses that check in with you when you have Covid-19.

They make sure you are checking your oxygen levels, your temperature, eating, and resting when necessary.
They sent a box to containing my "Covid Kit".

Yep; they came up with a ''survival" kit for Covid-19.

It was delivered by FedEx a day after being diagnosed. 

The box was huge. 

It had flash cards with everything from how to wash your hands to how to disinfect. 

Did you know that if you have Covid-19, they recommend that you wipe down surfaces that you come into contact with but that you don't deep clean until AFTER all of your symptoms have gone away. 

It also contained the following: 150 masks, 1 bottle of disinfectant, 6 small bottles of body wash, 2 bottles of hand sanitizer, another thermometer, alcohol swaps, 50 hot/cold cups with lids, 50 biodegradable paper plates, 50 spoons, knives and forks and 6 blue trash bags. 

Yep blue trash bags. The kind they use in the hospital. The kind that has tape attached that says "biohazardous material"

Did you know that you aren't supposed to use regular dishes while having Covid-19? 

I didn't. 

It's because even though you are washing your dishes, you still have to touch them once they are clean. You are contaminating them again before using them.   

You must put your trash in the blue bags because everything you touch will still be infected with the Covid virus after you use them. 

Now that they are saying you have to double mask, I have enough masks to last at least two months. That is if I go outside every day; which I don't.

My Covid Response Team, or someone from my team, calls every day. 

Without fail. 

My phone rings at 9am every day and I am on the phone with them for at least 30 minutes. I have had a nurse come by to check since I'm an "over achiever" and have so many symptoms.

It's good to know that someone is looking out for the ones of us that are not hospitalized. 

I just wonder; if you don't have insurance; do you still get this level of care?

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

WHY CAN'T I TASTE MY FOOD

Why does my mouth feel like this?

It feels like my taste buds have become swollen at the same time. My mouth is watering like I'm about to vomit. 

I have a blister on the inside of my mouth but I'm sure it's because I have been drinking so much orange juice that it's from the acid.

I make myself dinner and although I'm a pretty good cook, I burned the oil I was going to use to fry the chicken in. 

Hmmm, why don't I smell that? I guess I'm spraying way to much LYSOL.

I outdid myself today. Even though I'm sick it doesn't mean he can't eat well.

I make fried chicken, asparagus and sweet potatoes. 

I am not hungry but I try and eat anyway.

Hmm, that's strange.

I take another bite. 

I say out loud, to no one, funny I don't smell the fried chicken smell.

Then I take a bite.

Hot and nothing.

Wait, I can't taste the chicken. WTH! I can't taste the chicken. I CAN'T TASTE THE CHICKEN OR THE SWEET POTATOES OR THE ASPARAGUS. 

Sweet baby food Jesus!

I've lost my taste and my sense of smell. No wonder I didn't smell the oil burning. No wonder I didn't smell the chicken cooking. 

Ahhh Lawd! 

This is horrible. No wonder my coffee tasted funny this morning. Or maybe the lack of flavor. I kept adding sugar and cream. I thought maybe I forgot how to make it. 

Geezus! Of all things that is happening to me; this is the absolute worse! 

How can you eat when you can't taste food/ 

Eating is pure torture. Drinking is even worse. 

I tried having a glass of wine...yep; can't taste it. I can't enjoy food. 

This has to be the BEST DIET EVER!

Said NO ONE!



Tuesday, March 23, 2021

WHY AM I STILL FEELING LIKE THIS

Today is February 11 and I feel like crap.

I can barely sleep. I'm exhausted. My body feels heavy and I am sweating like its 100 degrees. 

I don't have a fever but the damn cough and sneezing has come back. 

Shouldn't I be feeling better now?

I am boiling water with ginger, lemon and orange peels. I'm standing over this pot like it's my life line. I am still trying to NOT go to the hospital but today, I have no choice.

It has to be better than this.

I dress, which takes almost an hour. Not because I am trying to be cute but because I have to keep stopping to get more energy.

WTF!

Man, they don't tell you about this. 

As I dress I just hope this is not the last time I will see my house. I hope it's not the last time I will chat with my kids or my friends. 

Yeah, people that don't wear masks don't understand that the people who do everything to protect themselves and still end up with; have to deal with this.

Ask me if it's a hoax! Ask me if it is fake news!

Dehydration is the cause of this. I try and eat but I really can't without having an upset stomach. 

I cook but still can't eat.

What's the use of eating when you can't taste the food?

Oh I didn't tell you about that?

Well, next week I will.

Thanks for hanging in here with me and this journey. 

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

WHAT DOES COVID LOOK LIKE?

Our lives are now dictated by this little machine and a thermometer.

We have to take our temps and our levels four times a day.

He has no symptoms so he has to do it as a precaution.

Me on the other hand, I have so many symptoms that my nurse has said I'm on "over achiever".

What symptoms do I have? I will try and go down the list and describe when I actually got them. 

Jan. 23, I got a monster headache. The headache continues even today, Feb. 10. 
Jan. 24th, I began to sneeze but as long as it wasn't back to back sneezing, I wasn't concerned.

Jan. 28th, I got a sore throat and began to cough uncontrollably. I still have this cough on Feb. 10.

Jan. 30th, the sneezing got worse. Is that even possible? Yes, I would sneeze at least 10 times in a row and become so stuffy that I was now breathing with my mouth open.

Feb. 1st, I am now feeling like I dragging around an extra 200 pounds. I can barely walk 25 steps without almost falling down. My legs feel like I have walked up 100 steps. My breathing is ragged and I'm feeling like I'm coming down with the flu.

For two days, the heavy feeling stays with me. Lying down is not helping. It makes it worst. I feel like I'm drowning by weight. I can't get comfortable. I can't lie on my back or on my side. I can't take it but I push on and try and get some sleep. Thank goodness this goes away by Feb. 5th.

I wake up on the 5th to a snotty nose, chest congestion and new rashes on my back and face. What in the entire world is happening? Is this cold taking a different form and causing this new reaction on my skin. My hands are so dry that I have used an entire bottle of NIVEA lotion (16 ounces) in two days. 

My hair is now brittle and dry. Dry like I have been sitting under a dryer for hours with no moisture. Dry to the point that I am scared to brush it. 

Wait, what's this. A damn cold sore! Yep; that's just what I need! This huge bump is sitting in the middle of my top lip like a trophy. Blistex aint helping this so I apply a warm cloth and hope that it helps it dry up. 

And if it couldn't get any worse....just wait until next weeks update. 


Tuesday, March 9, 2021

A DAY LIKE NO OTHER


Monday, February 8th was like no other.

Our phones never stopped ringing. The minute the results were known, his doctor called him. My doctors called me.

Covid Response Teams are at our beck and call. 

Covid Care Kits arrived within hours. Oxygen monitors, thermometers, wipes, hand sanitizer, masks. 

We have all of that. We have more than enough of that.  Do you see our stockpile? 

We were ready? So how is this possible. How can WE have Covid-19?

We went into the store with masks and gloves on. We made sure to keep Germ-X in our cars and used it like lotion. We wiped our food down when we brought it home. Every package was wiped with a disinfecting wipe. We took it out of the original package when possible. We made sure to spray LYSOL on all packages coming from AMAZON. 

We made sure that anything that came into contact with us; was wiped, sprayed and sanitized. 

I felt like we were being judged. I felt like we did something wrong. 

Wait a minute; I know I did everything right. It was the people at the store; with no masks that did this. It could have been the gas pump that I touched before I remembered my plastic gloves. Hell, it could have been the keypad that touched my credit card at the store. 

Lawd, now I need to wipe down everything in my purse. It's not enough to change my purse every time I go out. I need to now wipe down everything that was in that purse when I was out.

I need a bubble. That's what I need. 

There is nothing more that I could have done but now here we are. 

We need food for at least a week. Because he doesn't have any symptoms, he is allowed to go back to work on Tuesday, Feb. 16. 

Me on the other hand, I have to be symptom free for 24 hours and then my quarantine will begin. 

Yep; they don't tell you that on the news. 

Lucky for us, his niece calls and says she will go to the store. Lucky for us, my daughter calls and says she will go to the store. Yay! 

We feel bad about it but at the end of the day we are thankful.

His niece calls, comes to the door; masked up and he hands her the card. She leaves for the store and we are happy.

My daughter calls. "I'm outside with your food. DON'T open the door. I'm going to bring the food, leave it at your door and leave. Open the door once I'm back outside." 

I'm just happy, I comply and then I run to the window like a little kid. I knock. She sees me, she waves, I wave and I wait. I hear the knock on the door; I look back out the window and see her and then I know I can open the door. There is our food and water. 

Wait, let me wave goodbye but she is already pulling off. I stand at the window, looking like a little puppy who got left at home. 

Then I laugh. 

Because hey, if I don't, I'm going to start to cry.

Tuesday, March 2, 2021

THE RESULTS ARE IN

It's Monday, February 8th and the test results are in.

Recap.

I've been dealing with this nasty cold for over a week and finally gave in and called my doctor on a Friday night. I took my Covid test on Saturday, February 6 and here we are.

All caught up? 

It's now 9am and my phone dings, signaling that I have an incoming text. 

I check and see that my Covid results are in.

I open my email and see the large bright red exclamation point and the words CRITICAL in the corner.

This can't be good.

I read the words, "You have a POSITIVE Covid-19 test result"

Nope, I couldn't have read that right. So I re-read it. Over and over and over and over.

The words never changed. I couldn't believe it. I'm positive. 

Then my phone rang. MD COVID it said and so it began.

"You will be assigned a Covid response team. You will be sent a Covid Kit. You will have a nurse checking in on you every day. Do you have a way to check your oxygen level? 

Wait What. 

Do you have a way to check your oxygen levels?

Sure, I have that just lying around the house. No, no I don't have a way to do that. Should I? 

"We will send you one" 

That phone call lasted two hours. Two hours set my world upside down. Turned everything into a rush.

You need to have someone get your food for you. Do you need food? We can send you some. Do you need meds? Well not yet but we will send that to you as well. Do you need transportation? We can arrange that as well. 

I was sick enough that when I did my first oxygen check, within 2 minutes of uploading it, a nurse called and told me to immediately call 911. Instead I had him take me to the ER. 

I felt like I was in a movie. I had to go because I have asthma and because my breathing was labored. They wanted to keep me. I can't do it. I can't be alone for days at at time. 

That is where my mind went. I told my children and they started calling and sending messages, via our family chat on FB. 

Why didn't you stay? You need to go back. 

They didn't understand the terror that I felt. I wouldn't even get to see them. I couldn't have my phone because they will take it. 

No, I will go home. I want to be around things that I love and people that I love. At least I would be able to say goodbye. 

Truth be told, if I was going to die; I wanted to die at home. Not in a hospital, alone with strangers.


Tuesday, February 23, 2021

COVID TESTING

My doctor wants me tested ASAP. 

It's a Friday night and his office is closed but he tells me to get a test done at CVS. 

So I make the appointment and I have one for Saturday morning.

I have so much to do because I got a flat tire and need to get that fixed but I am still coughing and wheezing and sneezing like it's the middle of allergy season. I've gone through 2 full sized boxes of tissues and 4 small purse sized packages of tissues. I'm now resorting to the McDonald's napkins stuffed in my glovebox because I've run out. 

I manage to get all of the things done that I need to and make it to my appointment at CVS at 11am.

They give me the little brown bag containing my test kit. 

It consists of a long swab, a vial of some sort of liquid and a large gallon sized baggie with a sanitizing wipe in it.

The pharmacist gives me the directions on taking it and I'm terrified of sticking this thing in my nose.

"Make sure you push it up and not back." he says. "Make sure you go far enough that you bring a tear to your eye." 

Are you serious? Hmmm, how can I be sure that I am doing this right? Make my eyes water? If it's uncomfortable to do; won't I just stop SHORT of making my eyes water? Seems only natural that I wouldn't purposefully make myself cry.

It takes me about 5 minutes to decide to do this.

I take a deep breath and go in. 

"Go in as far as the scored line on the swab, Ms. Bowman" he says through the intercom. 

Wait, scored line? What scored line? How in the hell am I supposed to see a scored line with this swab up my nose. 

I'm panicking now and just as I am about to pull out that swab he says, "That's good. Now leave it there for 15 seconds." 

Wait what! 15 whole seconds. He's got to be kidding but he isn't because he holds up a timer. 

15 seconds is a helluva long time. Then his voice again, "Now turn the swab...roll it between your fingers 4 or 5 times. 

This has GOT TO BE a joke! But I do it and then he says, pull it out.

When I do...well let's just say, I swear I pulled some of my brain out. Well, I didn't really but I pulled something out of my nose and then he says, "Now insert the swab into your other nostril."

I swear I gagged, I really did. 

Now I have to put this nasty swab in my other nostril and do the same thing. 

Clearly I do because I look over and he is holding up the timer again. What I would like to do with that timer!

He then tells me to put the swab into the vial and to break it off at the score mark. 

I'm more than happy to do that. This torture is almost over. 

I catch a glimpse of him and he looks pretty disgusted too. Maybe he got a look at that stuff hanging off of my swab. Yeah..it was totally gross!

I put it in the baggie and then he LOUDLY says, "Put it in the bin and MAKE SURE YOU WIPE IT DOWN AFTER YOU DO."

Like dude...really. I felt just like a leper at that point. Good thing I was in my car and my windows are tinted. I wouldn't want anyone being able to identify that leper driving away.

He says it will take 2 days to get my results. 

So now...

I wait.

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

IT'S JUST A COLD....OR IS IT

 January 28th, I wake up with a stuffy nose. 

Nothing major; just a stuffy nose. I cough a couple of times but it's the tiredness that I can't shake.

I go about my day and decide to go to the grocery store. After getting dressed, I am to tired to go outside. 

Literally, I can't bring myself to walk about 20 steps out of my house to get into the car. I try at least three times and then I give up.

This is stupid I think but I figure I have more things to do in the house and decide to clean. 

I clean the blinds, drapes and then begin to re-arrange the living room. Halfway through I'm to tired to go on. I lay down.

That is major because I never, ever, ever lie down in the middle of the day. 

Before long, I wake up and see that three hours have passed. 

What in the entire world is going on? I NEVER sleep during the day like that. But I'm glad because I feel slightly better and have just enough energy to go to the store.

Right?

Wrong? 

I get into the grocery store and my legs feel like they have been weighed down by 200 lb weights.

Is this is what it feels like when the mob gets ahold of you? Lawd, I feel sorry for those men back in the 50's.

The day progresses but now I'm sneezing more and the cough is becoming pretty aggravating. 

Damn, I'm coming down with a cold. That's the last thing I need. 

I blame him...but I'm joking so I push on but the next few hours become pure torture.

It's January 31st and I am not feeling any better. 

I decide to call my doctor and he tells me to take a Covid-19 test. I make the appointment and things begin to go downhill pretty quickly.

 


Friday, February 12, 2021

IT BEGAN AS A HEADACHE

 On January 18, I believe that it when it all started. 

Due to the fact that I barely sleep because of insomnia, I rarely sleep. However, when I was kept up because of a headache; I couldn't understand it.

My boyfriend comes home, kisses me and says, "I have a little tickle in my throat".  Jokingly I say, "is that a corona virus symptom?" We both laugh and I make him some tea.

Because he never gets sick, it concerns me but I don't really say anything. After drinking his tea, he says he has the chills. But he always has some sort of chills; it's just how his body works. 

He gets into bed around 7pm and I decide to take his temperature. It reads 100.1. Since I used to work at a school; I know this is a low grade fever but he never listens to me. He says he's ok and goes to sleep. He sleeps all night. I wake him up one time and take his temperature again and it reads; 100.9. I tell him he has a fever and he drinks some water and goes back to sleep. I'm worried because it's a fever but he doesn't want to admit it. 

I go about my evening and decide to write. After about two hours, I couldn't come up with anything, which never happens and I put my computer down because my headache was back. It was if someone was squeezing my brain from the inside and it was pushing out through my ears. 

My ears became clogged and then the headache went away after I blew my nose. 

Why is a headache keeping me up? I did what most people did. I took an ALEVE and waited. Four hours later, I was still waiting. 

So I then took two Advil and waited again. Four more hours went by so I gave up and just used ice compresses, which by the way, didn't work either!

He gets up at 4:30 am and says he feels much better and goes to work. I tell him to take his temperature and it is 98.7. I'm satisfied that he is better but I'm up too because the headache just won't let me sleep and I find a new comedy on Hallmark, REBA. Who knew that country singer was so funny AND that she had a show! I digress.

So the day moves on and the headache finally leaves. He is fine and all is right with the world until Jan. 26th.

I'm exhausted. I mean, like can barely move exhausted. I am talking to a friend and tell him that I'm tired and he says, "stop being superwoman and just stay in bed. Relax and do nothing today." I tell him I will but I get up and do laundry. Normally it takes just a couple of hours but it literally took me about 5 hours to do two loads of clothes. Between every load, I had to lay down. When I heard the buzzer go off, it took me another hour just to get the energy to get up from the couch and take them from the washer. 

My boyfriend comes home and notices how tired "I look" and suggests I just rest. Nope; can't do that because there is dinner to cook and clothes to fold and put away. I continue to drag myself around, secretly wishing that I had a maid to do all this but pushing myself to continue. I ask him how he is feeling and he says, "never felt better. I guess I had a 24 hour bug or something". He asks how I'm feeling and I tell him that I just can't seem to find the energy and he tells me the same thing my friend says; stop getting up so early and just rest tomorrow. Stay in bed and get some rest because you do look tired. 

If only it was that simple.


Wednesday, February 10, 2021

LIFE HAS CHANGED

What began as a cold, well what I thought was a cold, is actually Covid-19. 

During the coming weeks, I will blog about how I think I contracted it. 

It started with a headache and sore throat and went downhill from there. 

That date was January 18, 2021.

I will also blog about what life is like when you have Covid-19.

If you think it is as simple as being in isolation; you are so wrong.

This is my journey and not everyone's journey is the same with this dreaded disease. 

Every week I will blog about the ups and the downs. The good, the bad and the very ugly.

Please take a look, read, share and offer suggestions on how to best deal with boredom.

Sure as an author; you would think I could use this time to write but in the coming weeks, you will see why that is not really possible.

For example; It has taken me four days to write this small blog. Why? Your memory, or at least mine, is totally trashed.


Thursday, January 14, 2021

BACK TO LIFE

I suffered the loss of my brother on November 6. He died alone in a hospital in NC because Covid regulations didn't allow anyone to visit. He died hours after me telling him that I was on my way. He died and left a hole in my life. 

My world was turned upside down and my life was forever changed.

My brother and I didn't have the normal sister/brother relationship.

What we had was special to no one but us.

We didn't speak every day or every week. However, when we spoke, it was as if we had never missed a day.

He teased me and I teased him.

He was the typical big brother.

My life has been changed without him in it.

Thanksgiving came and I was awaiting my call. The call that would start off with, "what did you cook baby girl." and end with, "next year you need to be here so you can have some of my good cooking." That call never came.

Christmas came and again, I was awaiting my call. "The call that began with, "did you mail my gift" and would end with me saying, "next year you need to be here." That call never came.

I was angry.

Angry that my boyfriend could see all of his sisters and brothers. I was angry that my brother was not here and that my sister was of no help to me in this time of need.

I was feeling alone and I was in need of the kind of emotional help that my family could give me; however that wasn't happening.

And then came my girlfriend. Brenda. She texted me and we talked for almost two hours. Two hours of crying, laughing, being angry and being told that it was ok. 

She let me know that it was ok that I was angry. It was ok to feel alone and it was certainly ok to want just one more day. 

Brenda came to my rescue. Brenda was my savior and Brenda was the ONLY person who bothered to listen to me. Who didn't rush me off of the phone when I began crying. Didn't rush me to push past my grief. 

Brenda was my savior. 

Not the women that I thought were my friends. Not the people I had been a shoulder to in the past. Not the people that I would do anything for to make them feel better. But Brenda, the woman I met though my ex husband. Brenda the woman who became my sister. 

I thank Brenda for the calls, texts and the listening ear. 

I also thank Brenda for showing me what real friendship is. I thank for her showing me who I needed to cut off and who could remain in my small circle of acquaintance's.

I'm back to life and I am living each day with my brother as my angel. I am back to life and I am living my life like I want to and I am living each day like it's my last. 

My brother taught me to live each day to it's full enjoyment. He may have died alone but he lived around his friends who are missing him dearly and who feel his absence every single day.