HAPPY NEW YEAR

 I can still say that, right?

I had the BEST Christmas ever!

I spent it in Georgia with my daughter and her three children and my son, from Las Vegas, was also there with his wife and children. Even the dogs wanted to be in the picture. Well, the little one; Nero; was over the entire thing but Harley was there for every single picture! 

I got to actually spend Christmas with five of my 11 grandchildren and couldn't imagine the joy of seeing their faces when they woke up on Christmas morning and saw all of the gifts under the tree. 

Yes, they still believe!

I hope you enjoyed your holiday as much as I enjoyed mine. Here is just a few of the photos that I took. 

Yes, I did enjoy and get some amazing cigars as gifts!

My children and my guy understood their assignment and I love them all so much.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I spoke to my partner, former lover and dear friend on Thursday at 2:34 pm until 5:15 pm. We joked, laughed, talked about what could have been and what might be. We talked about how we missed each other and how we always could make each other laugh.

He made plans to have lunch with me today.

On Friday morning, at or around 7:30 am; he walked from his house for about 10 minutes; went to the nearby park and hung himself.

While we all were marveling at the snow; our emails came in. Mine was time stamped at 2:30 am.

His parting words; "Milk Chocolate, don't ever give up".

Yet less than 24 hours had passed and he had given up. Deciding to take his own life rather than face another day.

Milk Dud and Milk Chocolate

As we gathered at his home, what we didn't know was that after losing his job three years ago; he fought a great fight.

He tried but the world got the better of him. His lights had been turned off more than three months prior. He didn't have gas to cook food but he managed by using his fireplace. He didn't have a car anymore and his weekly golfing buddies; hadn't seen him in over a year.

He never expressed the trouble he was having. He never expressed one word of depression. He always laughed. Always had a smile on his face but privately he was battling demons that none of us knew.

He addressed letters to each of his closest friends and family. All were different yet they were all the same.

He expressed sorrow for letting us down. Sorrow for having to ask for some form of help in his time of knowing us and then he wrote his own obituary. He wrote to each of us why he choose Feb. 1, 2019 to end his life.

For me; he knew I loved Christmas and he didn't "want me to be sad during that time of year because of him."

He wrote of how he didn't want us to be stressed or worried. Instead we are mourning and missing him. Instead we all want to punch him in the face and then hug him really tight. Instead we are arranging to say our final goodbyes.

However, in all of this; he suffered from a mental illness that none of us knew. Writing this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I loved that man with all that I am and now; my soul is broken and hurting. My spirit is missing the man that constantly referred to me as beautiful and my head knows that no matter how much I am hurting; he was hurting much more.

So today, I cry. Today I miss him. Today I refuse to think of him; hanging from a tree; dressed in his favorite business suit.

Today I remember my special friend and the way he told me that he loved me on Thursday and to never give up my smile for anyone.

Today I honor him. Bobby you will always be remembered as the die hard Redskin fan who loved this die hard Dallas fan to pieces.

Rest easy BP...rest easy.

Part II-THE BEST FAMILY VACATION EVER

So, I left off at the part of getting 13 people in three cars to get to +Virginia Beach. The drive would be about an hour from +Williamsburg  and we had three willing drivers.

corralling 13 people for a picture is not easy

Now, the hard part began. The 2 month old didn't like being in his +CarSeatSite but he had no choice. So the plan was devised that he would ride with Nina (that would be me, since I am way to sexy to be a grandma) Don't laugh, there was a t-shirt that said just that!

However, the one year old, who rode down with me, didn't want to give up her +diva throne to the new little prince, was not happy. Not happy at all. Well until she figured out she could ride in the big girl car seat that would make her sit up higher and have the window to herself. Well, I think daddy being in the car also helped.

Then it was loading 11 other people in cars and heading off.

But wait...who knew the way to Virginia beach. The lead car thought they knew but after 45 minutes, we pulled over to find out what the +iPhone Apps had to say and low and behold, we were only about fifteen minutes away.

Now a break in the action for this PSA. I hate tunnels! I don't like them and as we traveled through it, I kept looking for the escape door, you know like the one in the "+Independence Day Movie" with Will Smith...where the dog Boomer ran just in the nick of time before the tunnel blew up....yes, I figure, if it can save Boomer it has to be able to save me. Well I only saw one door and it was open but it was like a little guard booth. Talk about holding my breath the entire time while we were in there. Well I was nearly ready to pass out from depriving myself of oxygen the entire 3 minutes it took for us to come out of there but just as I felt a little faint, I saw the light. No, not that light...but the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I see why that is such a great motivational sentence." (not really relevant, but I wanted to share)

we are all looking in the same direction
I think.

So we arrived at the beach and instead of driving around endlessly we found an all day parking lot, that was taken over by some college students and charging $15, which is a great money maker.

After paying for our parking, walking two blocks and finding prime real estate on the beach. We laid in the sun all day, swam in the warm waters and enjoyed being mindless and carefree for the day.

Atlas, it is labor day and the last hurrah of summer is upon us, but the memories that we made in Williamsburg

and Virginia Beach will remain with us forever.

Yes, it was the best family vacation EVER!

THE BEST FAMILY VACATION EVER...PART I

 This past weekend, my family and I took a trip to +James Pierce (ok, I know there is a name there, but Powhatan Resorts is where we went and hopefully James works there)

Anyway, we took a trip there with +Austin Camacho and Denise and their family and my two children along with their children and also a couple of friends, and also a cat (which will be a different blog on a different day)

We arrived on Friday night and we were all to tired to do anything but this was a family vacation and after all of the sleeping arrangements had been made, re-made and floor space claimed, we settled in for a peaceful night.

Then came Saturday and the madness began. Have you ever cooked breakfast for 13 hungry people, 7 men, (2 of which play semi-pro football) and 6 females and one finicky 1 year old and a 2 month old baby. Well the task of what to feed them was easily solved with a bag (Costco is your friend on family outings) of pancake mix, a gallon of syrup, 3 dozen eggs, four pounds of bacon and enough coffee to wake up an entire teaching staff of college professors.  See that looks like a lot of food and after cooking for what seemed like an hour we were ready to call everyone in for breakfast except...

Half of them were still asleep, one decided they needed to take a leisurely bubble bath and the men, well they were about to gnaw off an arm if they weren't fed immediately.

We (that would be Denise and I) sat down the platter of pancakes and two bowls of bacon and by the time 6 of them ate...we needed more food.

Wait, what....my initial statement of "wow; do you think we will need all of that bacon" was met with the very light laugh and yes" from Denise)

Turns out we needed all four pounds of bacon, half of a bag (5 pounds) of pancake mix and 1 dozen of eggs. We ushered in shifts of food, took turns at the table that sat 6 and made quick time using two different coffee pots. Whew, breakfast was over and the dishes, well; the dishwashing hands of Denise and myself had all of the dishes, pots, pans and glasses and mugs out away in a little over an hour but you know what,

the memories that were made just over breakfast will stay embedded in my mind forever and off to the beach we went. But getting everyone corralled into three cars...

to be continued.......

Tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary

I couldn't let this week pass without addressing the senseless violence that occured at Sandy Hook Elementary School last week.

This tragedy struck many hearts because all anyone could think was; "what if that was my school, my children or my sister, husband, wife, friend?"

Our collective hearts have been aching for those families and for all of the first responders that had to witness that.

It makes us realize that during this joyous time of year, those families will never see the delighted faces and cheerful squeals from their children again.

This is not the time for gift giving but it is about time spent with family. Young, old and the young at heart, need to hear how much you love them. Every day, not just on Christmas.

Hug your child, your grandchildren and tell them how proud you are of them.

Why vote?

Today I was going to take a little time off to vote but being an author, I couldn't let the day pass without just dropping all writers a little note.

Today is election day and everyone, who can; should go out and vote.

I have turned voting into a family tradition and no matter where my grown children are, they know that at 5pm (1pm in Vegas) we are voting.

I don't want to know who they are voting for, all I want them to do is vote. We have lively discussions about the candidates and yes, we also make some jokes about both of the candidates but in the end, we all do our American duty and vote.

They even said to me today, "mom,really are you ever not going to write about everything that you do." Gasp! Clutch the pearls!

I nearly passed out, yeah I seem to be doing that a lot lately. First around shoes and now around my children.

After I told her to hold me up, I dusted myself off and said, "nope" Yeah that was real inspirational, wasn't it.

Well I had nothing to say. I write because I can; because freedom of speech allows me to say what I want as long as I am not malicious to anyone or spreading lies. So the simple answer is, I will always write about shoes, books, or voting. This is why I vote. I vote to be able to do things that I want to do.

So I asked her...Why wouldn't I?

Tell me, what would prevent you; yes you, the one reading this, from writing and have you voted yet?

What's your excuse?

I recently guest blogged on a friends blog. Mr. Camacho asked me to present a blog for him and of course I jumped at the chance.

After posting to it, I realized that I had every excuse, well not all of the excuses, but most of them; not to write. I thought about it and then said, well why aren't you writing. And the simple answer is; because I'm so very busy.

Ok, well not real busy but busy enough that I can't dedicate a lot of time to writing. Now if you read his blog you saw that I'm the marketing director of Intrigue Publishing; and that is a serious job. I need to make sure that I am helping all the other authors out there.

Then there are the grandbabies. Five of them and one of them is a girl. So of course I need to spend time with them and teach the boys how to protect their girl cousin and teach my granddaughter how to be a diva. (side note: she just turned one and she is a diva; all by herself)
Then there is the football season; need I say more? I mean, really? Seriously? How can I concentrate on writing when there is so much to do.

Oh look, there is another distraction. I need to wash clothes, clean the house, go shopping, do homework (did I mention that I am a FULL TIME college student).
Whew, after all of that now its time for me to check 'my status' on Facebook, and then there is the mindless 'tweeting' that needs to be done. But wait, I need to 'connect' on LinkedIn.
Ah, now here is some time that I can just chill. To sit on the porch and look aimlessly at the clouds forming.
Oooohh, look it looks like a big pillow. Will you look at the time; I need to run to Lowes to get some fall flowers before the store closes, in 4 hours!

Wait...did you hear that? It's me, pumping my brakes. Everything I just said (typed) is an excuse. I had at least two good hours to work on my novel and I decided to sit on the porch and look at the sky.
Ok, well sometimes we call it "inspiration" today I call it, an excuse.

So I am going to just do it! I'm going to sit down in this chair and start working on my novel...that is right after I re-arrange my sitting room.

Ooops, I'm doing it again; aren't I? I promise, right after writing this blog, I'm going to start working on my novel....
check back here in two days and find out what I really did with my free time.

What's your writing process

Today we welcome back "author in the making" Jade. She gives us a little glimpse of her writing process.
Grab your cup of tea, coffee or 'other' refreshment', sit back and take a read.

            When B first asked me to blog about my writing process I was shy about sharing.  Writing is such an intimate and private affair. No one had inquired about my process before. You only hear about a writer’s method once they’ve received a check and thus earned the title author.  I may not have a contract yet but I do have a set of writing rituals that include, setting time, a designated space, and outlining. All of these things allow me to get lost in the world I create.

             The idea for the novel had been in my head for years but not a word made it to print. To make it happen, I knew I had to set a deadline. I signed up for an Extreme Novel writing course at the Writer’s Center in Bethesda. I signed a contract agreeing to write a novel in 8 weeks. For at least 90 minutes per day, 5 days a week I was committed to working on my book. Each Monday night we’d come together and share the good and bad about our journey. The writing advice was great but the best thing for me was the accountability factor. Knowing I had to check in with others about my progress was motivating. Not everyone is willing to plop down $270 to have others shame them into writing but having someone check you from time to time aides in production. I needed a strong support group and the leader of that team started with me.

            I set my deadline and writing hours. People could not reach me between the hours or 9:00am and 1:00pm I was unavailable. That’s my designated writing time. There are few exceptions but I do not answer my phone or do lunch between those hours Monday through Friday.

            I secure my writing space. There are certain rules that my beautiful husband and 7 year-old son understand. If I am in my writing room, you are not. If I am not in my writing room, you are not. That is sacred space designated for one purpose and that’s to write. I don’t go in there if I am not writing. I won’t even edit in that space. It’s that serious. I compose detailed outlines there and talk out loud to my characters. I talk to them using their inflections, accents and attitudes. This helps me create dialogue. I speak the way they do out loud so the words on the page will do the same for the reader. 

            Most importantly I allow the words to flow. Picking them apart is a far more painful process and comes later. I don’t worry about grammar I just let the words spew and keep in mind that I’ll clean up later. All inhibitions leave and I just express raw thoughts. Having an outline sounds rigid and stifling to some but knowing where I’m going gives me the freedom to have fun creating along the way.

Royalty should have it's perks, Pt.2

Princess needed a day to compose herself, but she is here to finish her post. Please welcome her back.

Like I was saying before emotions overtook me,they moved me into a much smaller castle and then they finally decided that we needed to move on. And now finally, I have taken over my new castle. It is much bigger and has lots of hiding spaces.

They insist on trying to make me behave but after what they put me through, they are lucky that I haven't "stamped" the entire castle.

The one with the spikey shoes is always making loud, annoying noises whenever I try and scratch up the carpet, so I stay clear of her. The one with the deep voice, he doesn't really care at all. So I go and give him the priviledge of petting me every now and again. The one with that likes to play with me the most, she's the push over. So I can do what I want with her. As long as I play with her ever so often, I can scratch until my heart is content. Wait..what's this. Oh No! The spikey heeled one has turned her against me. She is now making that same annoying noise!

She thinks I am going to let her continue to take my picture. I think not.

The fur-less ones are trying to stop me but I will win this battle. They just haven't seen 'all' of my work.

Finding Time...

Today I welcome back Ami Blackwelder.

How many of us have lives that are so busy we rarely have time for ourselves? I mean the cook breakfast for your hubby-run to the car-drive the kids to school-work for money-clean the house-cook the dinner for the family, kinds of girls or guys out there.

          Seriously, I’m talking about the Superwoman and Superman in this world.

          Well, how do we find the time to do it all?

          I’d be the first to confess I was not the best at time management when I first graduated university. 

          No one tells you that the “real” world is not waiting for you and me. That it is a dog-eat-dog world and the first one to the finishing line might not give you a break.

          So, if you don’t become good at time management, cultivating those skills when you are younger, it will only become harder in time.

          Write down what your day looks like on paper. Look it over with a cup of tea, or your favorite beverage. Put the time you start each activity and how long it takes you to do it. Is there a better way to do all of it? A faster way? If you feel overwhelmed, maybe there are certain tasks to do on a certain day and others to do on another? Break up the tasks. Doing everything is not possible, so do what you can and the rest later.

          Make a ‘to do list’. This often helps me. I know I won’t forget what I need done and the weight of it somehow is released, because I no longer have to keep it in my head.

          I like to write days or times next to each ‘to do item’ and then tackle them one at a time. Writing down what you have to do and thinking over how to accomplish the tasks will not only make you feel better, you will be able to get a lot more done. Why? Because you are spending more time accomplishing and less time worrying. Before you know it, it will be done and you will have had no time to worry about getting it all done.

          Well, I hope that helps! But if you still need a distraction at night before you go to bed (or at work ;) please check out my books http://amiblackwelder.blogspot.com

Just Part of the Family

Today I've turned my blog over to Sandy Humphrey. She makes us feel what it is like to have our characters as part of the family.

I’ve been working on a young adult novel that takes place at a summer camp for girls with emotional problems in northern Minnesota, and I find it more than a little disconcerting that some of my characters have recently moved in with me.

This morning I found the camp director, Mrs. A, at my breakfast table shoveling sugar into her herbal tea, and last night I found her rummaging through my fridge, looking for avocados for her guacamole dip.

           

And it’s not just Mrs. A who has moved in. Leslie (my Protagonist) and some of her camper friends are also showing up unexpectedly. I found Trisha (a young black girl who longs to have her own garden amidst the chaos of the inner city) wandering around my backyard last week. She wasn’t being a nuisance or anything. She was just out there smelling the flowers.

Then there’s anorexic Jennifer. She hasn’t actually moved in yet, but I see her in some of the young girls I mentor at our church. They talk about their control issues at home and how food is the only thing in their lives that they feel they have any control over. Jennifer doesn’t say anything at these meetings, she just nods in agreement.

And, of course, there’s Rachel, “the cutter.” There were so many Rachels at the state mental hospital who insisted that they had to cut “to feel better.” They shared with me how they could deal more easily with their physical pain than with their psychological pain, and how the physical pain gave them a temporary respite from their psychological pain.

I’ve even run into Cynthia Winston, the villain of the piece, right in my own bathroom—-usurping the bathroom mirror while she apples her makeup. Actually, Cynthia has pretty much taken over all my mirrors. She’s always there, preening and giving me her little Mona Lisa half-smile.

Although I have never invited any of my characters to move into my home and take over so much of my life, I find I’m becoming used to having them around. And I might even miss them if they were to move out.

I think what I’ve concluded from all this is that to make our characters real to our readers—-characters whom they really care about-—we must care about them first. They must be so real to us that we see them everywhere we go and in everything we do, and sometimes we may even find them in the most unexpected places!

Sandra McLeod Humphrey is a retired clinical psychologist, a character education consultant, and an award-winning author of eight middle-grade and young adult books.  She's also the recipient of the National Character Education Center's Award for Exemplary Leadership in Ethics Education (2000) and the 2005 Helen Keating Ott Award for Outstanding Contribution to Children's Literature.

You can learn more about her books by visiting her Web site  at www.kidscandoit.com and her blog at www.kidscandoit.com/blog/

Competition is fierce!

Last week I spoke about the 'unspoken' rule of issuing a challenge.

This week I can cheerfully inform you that the challenge was taken and MET by all of my neighbors.

As you recall it started with the neighbor, two doors down, putting out a red bow. This was a neighborhood that only had; at best; one or two houses decorating for Christmas. So I took the challenge and put up lights and bows and then once turned on; issued the "unspoken" challenge to the other neighbors and they have not disappointed.

The neighbor across the street put up garland and wreaths in every window and then the neighbor down the street put up candles in each window and then his neighbor put up bows and a door wreath.

Soon the whole neighborhood was in on the act and the final house; I call it the hold out house, put up their decorations in the past couple of days. I think she waited to see what everyone was doing and THEN decided on her decor. She has a hanging Santa in the tree and then snowflakes outside her front door and then, she has decorated her fence leading to the backyard with lights and I think I can even see a peeking of lights IN the backyard.

So, let's just say that the unspoken challenge has been met...but you never know what will happen next because Christmas is still 11 days away and I could just very well need to do a little more decorating.

Happy Holidays
B. Swangin Webster

What are you thankful for?

As the holiday season is upon us, I find myself being even more thankful than I normally am. This year has held many challenges but through it all I am thankful that I am coming through them with just a few bumps, bruises and scrapes. Nothing that won't heal over time.

In this fast paced life we often forget about things that have made us happy.

Remember when we were kids and simply walking down the street with our friends was the highlight of our day? Or maybe you remember the day BEFORE Thanksgiving, shopping with your grandmother for the ingredients for her famous stuffing or pie? Or maybe it was when you simply sat outside with your favorite beverage, mine would be wine; and just listened to your own breathing. Stop....do you feel that, it's the memory you just smiled to yourself about.

For me, I smile every time I think about my grandsons; Tyson, Jayden, Zachary III and Zavier and my newest granddaughter, Khloe. Nothing in life gets better than that. Just thinking of these five little people, brings a smile to my face that is unmistakable.

So in this holiday season, take the time to stop for a moment and remember the things that make us the happiest.

I will enjoy this Thanksgiving with loved ones and I hope you do to.

Until next week, Happy Thanksgiving and remember; enjoy the time with your family. Nothing; not writing, not the internet, nor the fast paced life that is this world, can replace time with them.

Speaking in public

Have you ever been asked to speak in public about your writing or about your novels? What is your first thought when this happens?

Do you ask yourself, why are they asking me, I"m not famous, yet. Or do you say..well I don't have anything to say.

Well if you said yes to one of those questions; shame on you. You might not be famous;(yet), but you are famous in your own right. After all, you are a published or about to be published, author.

You should welcome all opportunities to talk about yourself to other, and if it happens to be a crowd of people, than that is GREAT!

Look at it as a way to brand yourself to others. Make them WANT to buy your book or listen to your story. You never know what might happen. Let's see, for me; it happened at the Black Family Reunion held down on the National Mall in Washington DC. I spoke to a crowd of about 50 people and afterwards, my book sales soared. Now, I didn't do it for the sales, although that was a plus. I did it because I want everyone to follow that dream that they thought was impossible to acheive. I want every man/woman and child to reach their highest potential and never say to themselves in 20 years, "I wish I would have done..." That is the hardest part. If you have a dream, never and I repeat NEVER, let anyone stop you from achieving it.

So with that said, today my message to you is a simple one: Go after what you want in life. Don't sit back and wait for someone's approval. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone; then you should do it. Now, pull out that pencil/pen and notebook or laptop and get to writing, because that is what I am about to do.

Happy Writing!