Thursday, January 14, 2021


I suffered the loss of my brother on November 6. He died alone in a hospital in NC because Covid regulations didn't allow anyone to visit. He died hours after me telling him that I was on my way. He died and left a hole in my life. 

My world was turned upside down and my life was forever changed.

My brother and I didn't have the normal sister/brother relationship.

What we had was special to no one but us.

We didn't speak every day or every week. However, when we spoke, it was as if we had never missed a day.

He teased me and I teased him.

He was the typical big brother.

My life has been changed without him in it.

Thanksgiving came and I was awaiting my call. The call that would start off with, "what did you cook baby girl." and end with, "next year you need to be here so you can have some of my good cooking." That call never came.

Christmas came and again, I was awaiting my call. "The call that began with, "did you mail my gift" and would end with me saying, "next year you need to be here." That call never came.

I was angry.

Angry that my boyfriend could see all of his sisters and brothers. I was angry that my brother was not here and that my sister was of no help to me in this time of need.

I was feeling alone and I was in need of the kind of emotional help that my family could give me; however that wasn't happening.

And then came my girlfriend. Brenda. She texted me and we talked for almost two hours. Two hours of crying, laughing, being angry and being told that it was ok. 

She let me know that it was ok that I was angry. It was ok to feel alone and it was certainly ok to want just one more day. 

Brenda came to my rescue. Brenda was my savior and Brenda was the ONLY person who bothered to listen to me. Who didn't rush me off of the phone when I began crying. Didn't rush me to push past my grief. 

Brenda was my savior. 

Not the women that I thought were my friends. Not the people I had been a shoulder to in the past. Not the people that I would do anything for to make them feel better. But Brenda, the woman I met though my ex husband. Brenda the woman who became my sister. 

I thank Brenda for the calls, texts and the listening ear. 

I also thank Brenda for showing me what real friendship is. I thank for her showing me who I needed to cut off and who could remain in my small circle of acquaintance's.

I'm back to life and I am living each day with my brother as my angel. I am back to life and I am living my life like I want to and I am living each day like it's my last. 

My brother taught me to live each day to it's full enjoyment. He may have died alone but he lived around his friends who are missing him dearly and who feel his absence every single day.