IT'S NOT JUST A NEW YEAR; ITS A NEW BEGINNING

Every year we begin by saying: This year I am going to....

Instead of saying that, why not just new.

Every day is a day for something new. Every day we get 24 new hours to do something different. Every day we get a new beginning.

This year; instead of saying what you are going to do, just do it.

Don't set goals that you know you might not reach. Like, this year I am going to lose 40 lbs. Instead, say, this year I will eat a little more healthy.

Instead of saying, this year I plan on opening a business. Try saying, this year I am going to work on my goal of owning my own business.

Stop putting those obstacles in your way. 

So this year, it's a new beginning; what do you want to begin with?

DEPRESSION DOESN'T LOOK SAD

With the sudden death of Stephen Twitch Boss, people are searching for answers. 

Some are posting about what depression looks like. Some are posting that they are always there and if you need an ear; they are there.

Well, depression looks like you. It looks like me and it looks like your son, your daughters, your grandchildren and your co-workers.

When you ''sense'' that something is off with them, it is. 

When you ask them, are they ok and they say, "yeah, I'm just in a mood". that's depression. 

When you husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend asks you why you "look like that" , that's depression.

We cry when things seem to be going great. We cry when things are overwhelming us. We cry when we have no reason to cry. 

Depression hits at times that no one expects it. It happens at parties, at work, at birthday parties and when we are alone. It happens when we paste that smile on our face and "keep it moving" because there are lots to do and not enough time to do it in.

Depression doesn't have a face or a time to appear. It appears when we don't want it to.

Depression is something that can't be helped or gotten over. It is a chemical reaction in our brains that we fight with every day. 

Depression hurts our plans of going out. It makes us stay in the house, even when we want to go outside. It makes us sad even though we 'feel' happy. 

Depression is not something we can prevent but it is something you can help us with.

When we are quiet and say, "oh, I just need a minute" Sometimes that means, we just need a hug. Physical touch helps us when we are depressed. Stop giving us space, space is our enemy. 

Stop saying, "call me anytime" because when depression hits; we WILL NOT pick up the phone. Instead, CALL US .

Depression can't be cured but it can be managed. Medication helps our moods but sometimes we don't know that we need medication. If your doctor isn't listening to you, CHANGE doctors. You need someone that listens, not just writes (a Rx) . 

Depression is all around us, Depression looks like this:

TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I spoke to my partner, former lover and dear friend on Thursday at 2:34 pm until 5:15 pm. We joked, laughed, talked about what could have been and what might be. We talked about how we missed each other and how we always could make each other laugh.

He made plans to have lunch with me today.

On Friday morning, at or around 7:30 am; he walked from his house for about 10 minutes; went to the nearby park and hung himself.

While we all were marveling at the snow; our emails came in. Mine was time stamped at 2:30 am.

His parting words; "Milk Chocolate, don't ever give up".

Yet less than 24 hours had passed and he had given up. Deciding to take his own life rather than face another day.

Milk Dud and Milk Chocolate

As we gathered at his home, what we didn't know was that after losing his job three years ago; he fought a great fight.

He tried but the world got the better of him. His lights had been turned off more than three months prior. He didn't have gas to cook food but he managed by using his fireplace. He didn't have a car anymore and his weekly golfing buddies; hadn't seen him in over a year.

He never expressed the trouble he was having. He never expressed one word of depression. He always laughed. Always had a smile on his face but privately he was battling demons that none of us knew.

He addressed letters to each of his closest friends and family. All were different yet they were all the same.

He expressed sorrow for letting us down. Sorrow for having to ask for some form of help in his time of knowing us and then he wrote his own obituary. He wrote to each of us why he choose Feb. 1, 2019 to end his life.

For me; he knew I loved Christmas and he didn't "want me to be sad during that time of year because of him."

He wrote of how he didn't want us to be stressed or worried. Instead we are mourning and missing him. Instead we all want to punch him in the face and then hug him really tight. Instead we are arranging to say our final goodbyes.

However, in all of this; he suffered from a mental illness that none of us knew. Writing this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I loved that man with all that I am and now; my soul is broken and hurting. My spirit is missing the man that constantly referred to me as beautiful and my head knows that no matter how much I am hurting; he was hurting much more.

So today, I cry. Today I miss him. Today I refuse to think of him; hanging from a tree; dressed in his favorite business suit.

Today I remember my special friend and the way he told me that he loved me on Thursday and to never give up my smile for anyone.

Today I honor him. Bobby you will always be remembered as the die hard Redskin fan who loved this die hard Dallas fan to pieces.

Rest easy BP...rest easy.