DREAMING OF A....

What are you dreaming of?

Is it to write full time? Is it to vacation all the time? Is it to stop your 9-5 and do what you really want to do with your career?

Well, what are you waiting for?

It's true. Time waits for no one and time never stands still.

I know all to well that waiting does nothing but make you lose time.

Why are you afraid to do what you want in life?

Do you think that the inventor of Facebook decided he wanted to wait and start a new social media site?

Do you think that millionaires waited until they had enough money in the bank to begin investing in what they really wanted to do?

Everyone starts from zero. Everyone has the same opportunity to begin something from scratch. However, it is what you do with opportunity when it comes knocking.

Sometimes, it will never knock. Sometimes you have to be willing to tap "opportunity" on the shoulder and meet it where it is.

That's right. Go after what you want. Go after what you feel passionate about.

Don't wait for it to come to you, go after it.

Remember, dreaming of something doesn't make it happen.

Making it happen takes not only guts but it will make that dream a reality in no time.

MAKING THE BEST OF LIFE

Well here it is March 23rd (at the time of me writing this) and I am making the best of life.

I survived a snow storm on the second day of spring. 

I survived major surgery on Feb. 26th and I survived a severely broken ankle, foot and leg on Feb. 18th.

I'd say I have no choice but to make the best out of the life I am living.

It seems as if I have been living a nightmare for the past year. Things have gone steadily downhill, in terms of my health.

But you know what?

I'm still here; making the best out of my life.

See I could have given up, thrown in the towel and just gotten so down on life that I could have been miserable.

Now, this is not to say that I didn't.

I had my bouts with depression. 

I was on total bed rest for four (4) weeks. I had some really dedicated people in my life that shopped for me, brought me lunch and dinner and even bought my wine! They made me laugh and see how much they loved me.

I will never forgot them for making me see the sunshine when all I wanted to do was see clouds

So I started making the best of my situation.

I finished a novel! Yippee

I finished up my travel agent certification! Yippee

I even finished up my AA degree! Yippee.

It's amazing what you can do when you have time. 

I made the best out of my life and now that I am able to get out of the house. (I'm still in a cast for another four weeks) I am living life to the best of my ability.

Are you?

SITTING STILL OR LIVING LIFE

Well, I have done now. 

I broke my ankle in two places and a bone in my foot. 

So, what do I do now?

Since I am on total bed rest, I am going to finish up my novel The Stiletto Stalker.

I'm on bed rest for at least three weeks and this will give me enough time to finish up my novel and edits and then begin working on finishing up The Teachers Lounge.

I am not a person who can sit still for any length of time but this is making me sit still. 

Someone said, "You never sit still so you needed something to make you sit still".

That made me think. Most people my age (51) are working, enjoying a simple life and doing things that they love.

I am no different. I live my life, I enjoy adventure and vacations and that is what I love doing. 

I'm 51 not 91. And even if I was, does that mean that I can't go out dancing every week, hanging with my friends for happy hour once a week or going on mini vacations whenever my bank account says I can?

Most people say that they will "wait until they retire to travel and really enjoy life." Why should I do that? Why should I wait? Why should I do what most people would do? 

Even my grown children say, "Mom you should slow down" No ma'am and no sir, I will not.

I want to live a life that I enjoy. I don't ask anyone for anything. I pay for my own trips and I pay for the life that I want. 

IF you choose to wait, than that is your choice. I choose not to. That's my choice. 

So, while I have to be on complete bed rest., I will finish up my novels but just as I am sitting in bed writing this blog; I have just booked my trip to the Bahamas in December.

So either you choose the life you want or let others tell you what you should be doing.

Which one will you do? I think you know my choice. 

OBSERVATIONS

I have been very observant in the last few weeks.

Having a very high blood pressure makes you take notice of small things.

Not that I want to do that but I've been trying to find out the cause.

1. I learned that I am a high energy person. 
With high blood pressure sometimes that high energy is not a good thing. 

2. I learned that I breath slower when I'm stressed. 
Most people breath rapidly during a stressful period. For some reason I like to be different.

3. I learned that I write the best erotic/sexual scenes when I'm stressed.
Hmmm, is that a good thing or a bad thing.

4. I learned that I like mystery and thriller novels.
Yep, I am a staunch book reader and now I'm widening my book reading library.

5. I learned that no matter how small my house is, I'll always have books.
Yep, now re-working those tiny house plans because I need space for my books.

6. I learned that people that SAY they are in your corner and who SAY they will support you, don't.
Yes, this was one of the hardest lessons to learn. 

If you aren't going to support that local author, or that friend, stop saying you will. We don't need to hear it. We would rather know it.

See the difference is that everyone wants to feel like they can do something. If you can't do something, you can't do it. But when you say, out loud, that you will. Now that is where the problem lies.

You have backed yourself into a corner. Stop saying what you think they want to hear and just say what they need to hear.

"Yes, I'd like to buy that book but I don't really have time to read." "Yes, I'd like to donate but really don't have any money." "Yes, I'd like to come but I really just want to stay home and relax".

See, it's not that hard. 

Observe what people say and then act accordingly. 

That's what I do now and it's leading to less stress for me.

DOES IT MATTER?

I'm asking that question today as it is my birthday and the year of Sandra.

Yes, I am making an entire year the year that I celebrate leaving my 40's. 

I always thought it mattered what people thought of me, or what people said about me. I have only begun to realize that it does not matter what they think or say of me.

Half of what people say and think about me, isn't true. However if they choose to believe it, that's on them.

Today as I celebrate my 49th birthday on this earth, I realize that I can't change the minds of anyone but myself. I can't stop people from thinking or saying negative things about me because they are going to do that anyway. All I can do is maintain who I am. I can only change the way I think, the way I act and the way I live my life.

No one will do it for me.

So today, I ask all of you.

Does it matter what people think they know of you? Does it matter what they say about you? In the end, it doesn't because only YOU have control of yourself. No one else does.

HOCKEY AND WRITING...VERY INTERESTING

I am still fascinated by Mr. Luke Murphy so I sat down and had a little chat with him.

BSW: Playing hockey is a very grueling sport; when did you know that it was time to hang up your skates?

LM: I grew up loving hockey and that never changed. But my years of “chasing the dream” took their toll. I’ve never been very big, so injuries played a big part in my decision. I had a series of injuries throughout my pro career, everything from broken bones to scratched corneas to herniated discs. I was nearing my 30^th birthday so I knew that my chances of ever making it back to the NHL were slim. Plus my girlfriend wanted to start her own career and a family, so I knew it was time to settle down and get a stable job.

BSW: You did what few authors do. You actually studied how to become a better writer, why? And what did you learn from that?

LM: No matter what I did: I always want to be the best. I’ve always set high goals for myself, and expect nothing but the best from myself. I constantly read; from novels in my favorite genres to books, written by experts in the writing field. My first two purchases were “Stein on Writing”, by successful editor Sol Stein, and “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers” by Renni Browne and Dave King.  My major breakthrough from Stein’s book was to “Show don’t Tell”. I wrote that phrase on a sticky note and put it on my computer monitor. The Self-Editing book helped me learn how to cut the FAT off; eliminating unnecessary details.

BSW: You sent out a lot of query’s to agents. What made you stop and pull back and rework your manuscript?

LM: I was just fed up. After months of rejections, I determined my manuscript just wasn’t good enough. I was persistent, and I knew I had it in me. I just had to stick with it. There were many people along the way, professionals in the industry, who helped me realize at the time that my novel needed work. These people wanted me to succeed, and took the time to not just send a rejection letter, but also tell me what needed to be done.

BSW: Your protagonist is a black man…you are not. Why did you decide to write a black character and not just make him a white male?

LM: I read a lot, especially in the crime-thriller genres, and I decided that there were not a lot of African-American protagonists in novels. When I first started reading adult novels, I was heavy into James Patterson. “Kiss the Girls” was the first adult crime-book I ever read, and I fell in love with the genres. I also loved Patterson’s Alex Cross character, an African-American detective who was widely popular with readers.

BSW: . Have you attended conferences and what is the best advice you can give to someone who has never been to a conference?

LM: In 2007 I attended the “Bloody Words” writing conference in Ottawa, Canada, rubbing elbows with other writers, editors, agents and publishers. I made friends (published and unpublished authors), bombarding them with questions, learning what it took to become successful. My advice, be outgoing and friendly, and never turn down an opportunity to speak with someone or let someone read your work.

BSW:  My blog is about books, shoes and writing. What book are you reading or working on right now? What shoes can’t you live without and give one piece of writing advice.

LM: I’m currently reading Bood Memory by Greg Iles. I’m currently working on my second novel, another crime-thriller, following the career of rookie, female LAPD detective Charlene Taylor. I would love to write another book. Right now, I have a full time job (teaching), a part-time tutoring job, and three small children (all girls, YIKES!!).

I don`t have much time to write, but when I get a chance, I do all I can. It could take some time, but eventually I would love to write a series of novels featuring Calvin Watters. But I will not limit my novels to Calvin Watters, as I would like to write a variety of novels, all in the crime-thriller genres.

As for fashion, I admit I don’t have much (LOL). I leave my clothes up to my wife and I wear what she tells me to wear. As for shoes, since I enjoy working out, I would say my running shoes I couldn't live without. I know, pretty boring.

#THRILLER13-----ITS OVER

Can I tell you just how much fun I had at ThrillerFest...oh my gosh!

I have always had a great time there and this year was no different. Of course for me, it is always all about the shoes...and let me just tell you...I have to always be on point with my shoes...they are my way of branding myself.

First let's talk about the shoes...oh my...my shoes were a hit...and of course I knew they would be. I should be tooting my own horn, shouldn't I....give me a minute

  
BEEP BEEP BEEP

Now back to the business at hand.

I searched high and low for shoes that would make me the stand out in the crowd and you know, I found them. Imagine my surprise as I was standing in line to get one of the FREE...yes that's right FREE books that they were giving away and a woman walked up to me and said..."you are her...you're the woman on twitter with the shoes" I politely said "yes I am'' and she proceeded to say..."ok, let me see" a little dumbfounded I lifted my pant leg and she squealed...yes, she actually squealed. I am not kidding!

She then said, "I will be right back" and she did, she came right back with four other people who had "to see my shoes"

See this is one thing that I do well...shoes are my life! I know them like...well like the bottoms of my feet.

From the moment ThrillerFest started, everyone who saw me, didn't say hello; they said, "Ok, let me see them"...now if I a comedian, I could make that mean so many different things but I knew they were talking about my shoes...oh and trust me...when you see them...you will be envious ...yes, very envious!

Later this week, I will be talking about some rabbits with a 'bite'...and the woman that tries to tame them...

Flip Flopped

On September 8th, I met this beautiful spirit named Jade Newman. First her earrings and necklace blew me away and secondly she spoke so eloquently that I knew she was a truly remarkable woman. She teaches yoga and it shows through her calmness. She had some great questions about the writing process and the dreaded editing process, that "has taken her more than a year to do because she always finds something wrong." She came up to me at the end of the presentation and we spoke about what she should do next. Instantly I knew I needed her to be a guest on my blog. Please welcome Jade Newman and her funny take on her journey into The Land of Flip Flops.
I am one of them.

You know, the mom roaming around Target weekday mornings in yoga pants and flip-flops; well after the workout is over. You see, I teach yoga. My yoga pants and toe liberating shoes are part of my work costume but even I realize that I’m trampling all over the sacred relationship between woman and shoe. I once took great pride in giving my 5’3 inch body a 4-inch boost in height. I wore black dressy stilettos traveling on the metro and turned my nose up at the sensible women in dress suits with sneakers. I used to drop it like it was hot to Biggie and Jay Z in the club wearing sexy leopard print pumps. Blisters were temporary, but the compliments I’d get about my shoe game were forever. Admitting the new, not so stylish, shoe attitude I’ve adopted is embarrassing but I have decided to be proactive and do something to get my feet back in the game.

            Most shoe lovers I talk to cannot imagine such a shameful decline into the shoe abyss. I had to give a lot of thought to how this happened to me. How could a woman go from owning a pair of shoes to go with every outfit to a woman who bounces between pairs of black, tan and magenta colored flip flops?

It’s as painful for me to write as it is for you to read.

I could blame my lazy shoe choice on the knee surgery I had back in 2010, but after I recovered, stylish platform shoes lined my closet. I can’t blame it on being a mom. I rocked heels at my baby shower eight months in. It all started when I realized that my feet are tools that need to be protected. I forced myself to believe my feet are just things I need to keep me mobile. I foolishly chose to ignore the beauty in my feet and focus solely on their function. That day is dead and I know now that I can do both.

            The first step to revamping my shoe style was to start appreciating the fly shoe swag of others. Not for biting purposes but for the inspiration and assurance that it is okay to flaunt your feet. I observed the confidence women with sassy shoes exuded as they strut down the street. They walk with their shoulders back and chests held high. Their posture is valiant and pronounced. It’s as if they’ve practiced yoga for years. Then I frequented every shoe store in a 20 mile radius. Wild Pair became an addiction. The ladies at DSW in Fair Lakes know my name. I researched the right shoe for my comfort level and struck up that love affair once again. I practice yoga at least 7 hours a week, but nothing makes me stand taller than a pair of sexy shoes. I flip flopped but this time it’s for the best.

Just Part of the Family

Today I've turned my blog over to Sandy Humphrey. She makes us feel what it is like to have our characters as part of the family.

I’ve been working on a young adult novel that takes place at a summer camp for girls with emotional problems in northern Minnesota, and I find it more than a little disconcerting that some of my characters have recently moved in with me.

This morning I found the camp director, Mrs. A, at my breakfast table shoveling sugar into her herbal tea, and last night I found her rummaging through my fridge, looking for avocados for her guacamole dip.

           

And it’s not just Mrs. A who has moved in. Leslie (my Protagonist) and some of her camper friends are also showing up unexpectedly. I found Trisha (a young black girl who longs to have her own garden amidst the chaos of the inner city) wandering around my backyard last week. She wasn’t being a nuisance or anything. She was just out there smelling the flowers.

Then there’s anorexic Jennifer. She hasn’t actually moved in yet, but I see her in some of the young girls I mentor at our church. They talk about their control issues at home and how food is the only thing in their lives that they feel they have any control over. Jennifer doesn’t say anything at these meetings, she just nods in agreement.

And, of course, there’s Rachel, “the cutter.” There were so many Rachels at the state mental hospital who insisted that they had to cut “to feel better.” They shared with me how they could deal more easily with their physical pain than with their psychological pain, and how the physical pain gave them a temporary respite from their psychological pain.

I’ve even run into Cynthia Winston, the villain of the piece, right in my own bathroom—-usurping the bathroom mirror while she apples her makeup. Actually, Cynthia has pretty much taken over all my mirrors. She’s always there, preening and giving me her little Mona Lisa half-smile.

Although I have never invited any of my characters to move into my home and take over so much of my life, I find I’m becoming used to having them around. And I might even miss them if they were to move out.

I think what I’ve concluded from all this is that to make our characters real to our readers—-characters whom they really care about-—we must care about them first. They must be so real to us that we see them everywhere we go and in everything we do, and sometimes we may even find them in the most unexpected places!

Sandra McLeod Humphrey is a retired clinical psychologist, a character education consultant, and an award-winning author of eight middle-grade and young adult books.  She's also the recipient of the National Character Education Center's Award for Exemplary Leadership in Ethics Education (2000) and the 2005 Helen Keating Ott Award for Outstanding Contribution to Children's Literature.

You can learn more about her books by visiting her Web site  at www.kidscandoit.com and her blog at www.kidscandoit.com/blog/