I WAS ON A ROLL AND THEN IT HAPPENED

I was back. I was blogging and I was writing and then it happened.

My last blog was on Aug. 27; almost a month ago. Before then, I had been chugging out a blog every week for a couple of months. I was actually writing two or three blogs at a time and scheduling them.

Suddenly, I was in a funk.  You know the kind. Where you don't want to write, where you don't want to read, where you don't want to do anything but stay in bed; with the covers over your head and wait it out.

With that wave of funkiness over me; I began seeing more and more posts about 'feeling blue'. Coincidence? I don't think so.

As a writer, my writing is my outlet. When I begin to feel blue; I write. When I feel like crying, I write; when I feel like being in bed all day, I write. But this time it was harder to shake.

It was harder to overcome the urge to stay in bed. It was harder to feel like writing, or reading or doing anything but lay in bed.

I had another surgery on Sept. 7th for a new condition that I developed as a result of my ankle break in Feb. (are you sick of hearing about it; well imagine living with it every day for the past eight months)

Only this time, the surgery was harder on my body. I woke up in more pain than I was before going in. 

My new condition is called CRPS or chronic regional pain syndrome. It is a painful disease that causes swelling, pain, and burning in the area of an injury. In this case, my ankle. It causes radiating pain, throbbing pain and the pain is NEVER ENDING. There is NO cure once this syndrome has developed. The only thing they can do is 'manage' it with nerve blocks, or an electrical device placed in the epidural space of your spine. 

Did I mention that the device stays in FOREVER? (YEP, forever)

Every day I wake up with pain. On a scale of one to ten; its starts with a 15 and by the end of the day, its about a seven. 

I"m constantly icing, medicating and elevating my ankle. (good thing I'm retired now because having my leg up on my desk was a little weird when I needed to meet with parents)

So on the days I'm feeling blue; its because the pain has won. The pain has gotten the better of me and all I want to do is stay in bed, heavily medicated, with the covers over my head. All I want to do is take the pain away. 

If someone could massage my ankle; all day, I'd be in heaven. See massaging it; although painful at times, makes it better. But I can't have a massage all day so I have to medicate; all day. Which I hate.

So, although I am now out of my 'blue' feeling; my pain is still there and I am still dealing with pain. As I write this; My leg is elevated; which makes writing this blog a little uncomfortable but I'm managing. Even having a sock on makes the ankle swell so bad that I can barely remove the sock. Today I am winning because today's pain is only a 8. Score! 

So the next time you don't feel like writing because you are feeling blue, think about this. You're probably not in pain and there is nothing stopping you, except for you. Be glad you aren't sitting with a bag of ice wrapped around your ankle, with pain meds sitting on the desk in front of you. 

OBSERVATIONS

I have been very observant in the last few weeks.

Having a very high blood pressure makes you take notice of small things.

Not that I want to do that but I've been trying to find out the cause.

1. I learned that I am a high energy person. 
With high blood pressure sometimes that high energy is not a good thing. 

2. I learned that I breath slower when I'm stressed. 
Most people breath rapidly during a stressful period. For some reason I like to be different.

3. I learned that I write the best erotic/sexual scenes when I'm stressed.
Hmmm, is that a good thing or a bad thing.

4. I learned that I like mystery and thriller novels.
Yep, I am a staunch book reader and now I'm widening my book reading library.

5. I learned that no matter how small my house is, I'll always have books.
Yep, now re-working those tiny house plans because I need space for my books.

6. I learned that people that SAY they are in your corner and who SAY they will support you, don't.
Yes, this was one of the hardest lessons to learn. 

If you aren't going to support that local author, or that friend, stop saying you will. We don't need to hear it. We would rather know it.

See the difference is that everyone wants to feel like they can do something. If you can't do something, you can't do it. But when you say, out loud, that you will. Now that is where the problem lies.

You have backed yourself into a corner. Stop saying what you think they want to hear and just say what they need to hear.

"Yes, I'd like to buy that book but I don't really have time to read." "Yes, I'd like to donate but really don't have any money." "Yes, I'd like to come but I really just want to stay home and relax".

See, it's not that hard. 

Observe what people say and then act accordingly. 

That's what I do now and it's leading to less stress for me.

WRITING WHILE WORKING

That is the dreaded 3 W curse.

If you are an author or writer AND you work a full time job than you know what I am talking about.

Working while writing or maybe its the other way around, writing while working is very hard to do.

Why? Because you know you need to write but you are sitting at your desk at work.The choice is hard. Or is it?

For me, it's not. I simply close my door for 30 minutes and I write. I hate that this thing called a full time job gets in my way at times but I have to still pay bills until I take that leap of faith. side note: I'm taking that leap in December.

Some people waste a lot of time gazing off into the world or surfing the internet while working. Yes, I have been doing the same thing. However, I learned recently that while those things are very fun I could be doing something else.

I could be writing.

So when I have the urge to surf, gaze or wander aimlessly around in my head listening to the birds tweet or the crickets chirp, I pull up my trust WORD document and begin typing a new scene.

It didn't happen overnight, trust me. It took days of retraining my brain to go into the creative side instead of the lazy side. It took days of me forcing myself to sit down in my chair instead of just looking for someone to talk to and it took days of me aimlessly playing solitaire on the computer to say, hey you...you are a writer; now get to writing.

So what are you doing that is stopping you from using that creative side of your brain? and whatever it is; try redirecting it so that you can finish that novel sitting in your computer just waiting for you to finish it.