Monday, March 11, 2019

I'M BACK ON THE WAGON!!!

It's been one year...Officially one year since my world was rocked again by a vicious injury. 

One year, 22 days since I broke bones in my foot, my ankle on both sides and my leg. 

Talk about devastating!

But I'm still here...and I'm a little better.

I still limp. I still go to therapy. I still have another surgery coming up and I still wear an ankle brace. 

But I'm a little better. 

Although I was writing up a storm in the beginning; I have slacked off. Not for any reason other than, I just didn't feel like it.

Wait...what...an author not feeling like writing. Yes people it happens. 

I know I got sucked into just sitting and looking into space for so long, that sitting at a computer and actually writing, felt like...well it felt like work.

WTH! I just retired and I surely didn't want to feel like I was working again. 

Then I had to think about why it felt like work. 

Well, I am writing a murder/mystery and I have never done that before. 

I know there are pieces of the puzzle that go in a certain order but I am not a "certain order type of writer". I like to just sit down and write. 

Well writing a mystery is nothing like what I'm used to and I had to use that part of my brain that I don't like to. The thinking part. The part that says, you can't write that; it's not in order. That can't happen first because this already happened" part of my brain.

See, I like writing from the seat of my pants. I HATE outlining or having to think about the next chapter or line. But that is what writing a mystery is like; (for me anyway). So I stopped writing and just gazed at the TV, FB, Instagram and my website (s). 

Since I loved traveling, I've been doing that as well and also helping others realize their travel dreams. 

In short, I've been doing everything else except writing. Well that all ended yesterday. I had a loyal fan come up to me on Friday and said, "I'm almost tired of waiting on you to have another book. But I'm gonna keep waiting cause I love your style." Now THAT's loyalty. 

So I broke out the computer and have been typing my little fingers away. So look for my new novel soon. So hopefully my first murder mystery will be out soon..unless the publisher thinks otherwise. But anyway, I'm back on the wagon...

The writing wagon that is. 

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I spoke to my partner, former lover and dear friend on Thursday at 2:34 pm until 5:15 pm. We joked, laughed, talked about what could have been and what might be. We talked about how we missed each other and how we always could make each other laugh.

He made plans to have lunch with me today.

On Friday morning, at or around 7:30 am; he walked from his house for about 10 minutes; went to the nearby park and hung himself.

While we all were marveling at the snow; our emails came in. Mine was time stamped at 2:30 am.

His parting words; "Milk Chocolate, don't ever give up".

Yet less than 24 hours had passed and he had given up. Deciding to take his own life rather than face another day.

Milk Dud and Milk Chocolate
As we gathered at his home, what we didn't know was that after losing his job three years ago; he fought a great fight.

He tried but the world got the better of him. His lights had been turned off more than three months prior. He didn't have gas to cook food but he managed by using his fireplace. He didn't have a car anymore and his weekly golfing buddies; hadn't seen him in over a year.

He never expressed the trouble he was having. He never expressed one word of depression. He always laughed. Always had a smile on his face but privately he was battling demons that none of us knew.

He addressed letters to each of his closest friends and family. All were different yet they were all the same.

He expressed sorrow for letting us down. Sorrow for having to ask for some form of help in his time of knowing us and then he wrote his own obituary. He wrote to each of us why he choose Feb. 1, 2019 to end his life.

For me; he knew I loved Christmas and he didn't "want me to be sad during that time of year because of him."

He wrote of how he didn't want us to be stressed or worried. Instead we are mourning and missing him. Instead we all want to punch him in the face and then hug him really tight. Instead we are arranging to say our final goodbyes.

However, in all of this; he suffered from a mental illness that none of us knew. Writing this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I loved that man with all that I am and now; my soul is broken and hurting. My spirit is missing the man that constantly referred to me as beautiful and my head knows that no matter how much I am hurting; he was hurting much more.

So today, I cry. Today I miss him. Today I refuse to think of him; hanging from a tree; dressed in his favorite business suit.

Today I remember my special friend and the way he told me that he loved me on Thursday and to never give up my smile for anyone.

Today I honor him. Bobby you will always be remembered as the die hard Redskin fan who loved this die hard Dallas fan to pieces.

Rest easy BP...rest easy.

Monday, January 21, 2019

FURLOUGH FOOLISHNESS

I wasn't going to discuss it here but I can't keep my fingers from typing about it. At the risk of losing some of you as my followers, I write this blog. Angry and disgusted by what is going on right now.

The president wants five billion dollars to build a wall so that "terrorists'' don't come into America. That's not the only reason. He also wants the wall to "help the women and children that are dying on their way over here." But that isn't the only reason. He also wants it to stop illegal activity from crossing the borders.

He wants the wall because that is what he wants. Terrorists live here already. They aren't coming from Mexico; they are flying over here. The women and children that he speaks of; are already here; being exploited. However, we do need more secure borders but at the risk of sounding like I'm taking his side....BECAUSE I AM NOT...what we need is to come to some sort of resolution so that the millions of people that are already here, don't starve to death or worse, start committing crimes to just put food on their tables because he is withholding their money.

See, he wants to build a wall to stop illegal activity. What about the illegal activities that happen every day, done by AMERICANS?

What about the exploitation of women and children everyday, by AMERICANS? What about the terrorists who are living here, every day?

What about those people?

We teach our children not to bully people and we teach our children to stand up against bullies. 

What do you do when the bully RUNS the country? What do you do when a bully is taking your job and holding it just out of reach? What do you do when the bully lives in the White House?

You suffer the Furlough Foolishness!

People are "hoping" that they can pay their bills this month and next month". People are hoping that they get back to work soon. People are hoping that they don't have to start selling off things just to put food on the table. 

What about those people Mr. President? Oh, but no matter because you are already rich and could care less that the 'average' American doesn't have your money.

The Furlough Foolishness needs to end and maybe instead of acting like a 3 year old...wait...make that a 5 year old bully on the playground. Maybe you could use your big words and speak like a real adult and stop throwing tantrums to get what you want. You say that the 800 thousand people stand with you. Well how many have you asked?

Because every one of the people I see on FB, Instagram, Twitter and other social media outlets; want to go to work and NEED their money. 

So, I suggest that instead of posting on FB, Instagram, Twitter and other social media outlets that the Furloughed employees get out there and MARCH ON WASHINGTON.

Show him just how many don't support this Furlough Foolishness . Maybe then he will see how many really stand with him.

Monday, January 7, 2019

SO VERY PROUD

I am proud to say I know some phenomenal women, who are also authors.

I surround myself with authors of all genres and love reading. 

So to be in the company of these ladies is always a pleasure.

Deliah Lawrence just released, Gotta Get It Back. A follow up to Gotta Let It Go. I'm so very proud that I met her years ago and we have shared laughs and stories. While at the same time encouraging each other.

Cerece Rennie Murphy is also a phenomenal woman author. Who writes what she loves; Sci-Fi and her latest novel, The Wolf Queen has made me read something I was never interested in before. Who knew that I liked Sci-Fi as much as I do.

Penny Clover Petersen is also a phenomenal woman who writes cozy mystery novels. Imagine that; I actually like cozy mysteries and her novels are hysterical and also always include some cute little recipes that her and her sisters have either tried or grown up with.

Tracee Garner is also a phenomenal woman author who rights contemporary novels. Set in DC and also because of the strength she shows us every day. 

I like to take this time to just recognize four of the women that have come into my life and shown me to keep pushing through the world of authors and putting out the best work and the best of them that they give their readers with each book

Please check out these women and pick up their latest or all of their novels. You will not be disappointed.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

HAPPY NEW YEAR....OR IS IT?

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Right...because at midnight a new year began and auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind....

But for some; the new year is the same because they suffer from depression.

For some; that countdown means nothing more than more depression, more sadness and more compulsive behaviors. (most people that suffer from depression have some sort of compulsive habit. The reason for this is because they need to be able to feel in control of something)

For some, being depressed is especially hard during the holidays . Most depressives had a horrible 40 days. Yes, that's how many days there are from Thanksgiving and New Year Day.

They smiled their way through parties, dinners, cocktail hours and family gatherings. They laughed, joked, sang and was the 'life of the party.' 

Have you ever thought that for some of them; it was an excruciating act that they live through every day? Think for a moment about the person who is the life of the party...how many times have you really seen them out? If it wasn't for an invite that they couldn't turn down. How many times during a month have you seen them look as if the weight of the world is on their shoulders? 

(now don't start looking at everyone like they are depressed but I am sure you can think of a few people that just seem like they are having an off day...a lot)

How many of your friends have depression? 

You may never know because because statistics show that 4 out of 5 people suffer from depression. So from your job; out of 10 people, 8 of them may suffer from some sort of depression.

Why am I bringing you down on the new year? I am not trying to do that. My goal is to bring attention to something that I suffer with. 

I am one of those four. I have close friends who know and who routinely check on me. However, there are people who don't have that. 

I want all of us to be mindful of that person who seems withdrawn at times and you never ask them, Are they OK? Do they need someone to talk to? 

I want all of us to be mindful that some of our friends, co-workers and acquaintances may need a shoulder at the beginning of this month because for them...

The new year; isn't so happy.

Monday, November 26, 2018

OH HOW FAST THIS YEAR HAS GONE

In less than five weeks we will be ringing in 2019.

What a year it has been! I have broken three bones, had four surgeries, still deal with cancer and have physical therapy every day. I have retired and opened my own travel agency. Nope; not the kind that I have to work for someone else...the kind that I own and operate on my own. I'm actually certified, crazy and as a travel agent.

Imagine that...2018 will be done in less than five weeks.

Have you gotten everything done that you wanted to? Have you finished or started that novel that you had been thinking about? Have you gotten yourself ready for the upcoming year?

Although the year wasn't what I thought it would be, it has sure turned out way better than I thought it would be.

I have traveled more in the past three months than I have in the past three years. 

I have met some wonderful people, authors and many have become friends.

I have fallen in love, out of love and something in between love.

I have welcomed a new 'almost' daughter in law and lost a dear friend.

2018 has been one helluva year but I wouldn't change it for anything.

2019 will bring new challenges, new hopes and new dreams and I am ready for it, are you?

Monday, November 19, 2018

WOW...LOOK WHAT I FOUND

So, I recently just saw that none of my 'scheduled' posts had posted. So here is one that I wrote right before Halloween.

In the days leading up to Halloween, what kind of inspiration do you get for your writing.

I don't like scary movies but I love reality police shows. I watch The First 48 every day.

Sometimes all day. Lifetime and A&E channels run marathons on Monday, Wednesdays and Thursday with the NEW episode on Thursday night.

I love this show and find myself thinking about the detectives on that show.

My favorite is Carolyn Mason. She is a weave wearing, high heel wearing, gun toting black woman who will make a grown man cry and a teenager ask for his momma.

She is the kind of heroine I need in my stories and well; she is my inspiration for The Stiletto Stalker.

I've been working on this book for two years and finally its done. 

Since its my first murder mystery, I am very hesitant to submit it because; well I'm an author and I don't want it to be bad. (please don't let it be bad)

So for now; it sits in my drawer and on my computer...waiting for the day that I am ready to 'give birth' .

So, what inspiration do you take from Halloween?