Thursday, December 19, 2013

WHEN TELLING A LIE IS BETTER THAN THE TRUTH

I hadn't planned on lying; really I didn't. It sort of just happened.

Early one morning this week, I was up and getting ready for my day. It was a normal day just like all of the other days of this week. Except for one thing.

I nearly lost my eye! I'm not kidding! I nearly blinded myself with a speck of toothpaste!

Yes, you read it right; toothpaste was the nemesis. It literally, jumped off of the toothbrush and went directly into my left eye.

It had me fumbling around the bathroom, screaming like someone that saw a snake and knocking everything off of the counter.

Towels, cups, jewelry case, mirror, comb, brush...all went tumbling to the floor like dominoes.

I tried to compose myself and rinse out the offensive speck but wouldn't you know..it had bits of "minty crystals for all day protection" in it and got down into my eye so far that I swear it is now in my brain.

I tried to keep my eye closed (not impossible since it closed tighter than a bank vault) but then the unthinkable happened.

You see, the body's natural reaction to something getting into your eye is for your eye to water; to wash the offensive matter out.

Yes that is what happened and I tell you the expletives that flew out of my mouth would put any sailor to shame!

Driving to work became a chore because I wanted to keep my eye closed but kept veering into the other lane; setting off my 'safety feature' that jolted me, causing me to open the offended eye and then a whoosh of air came flooding in, causing as much pain as when the toothpaste flew into my eye thirty minutes prior.

Dear Lord! I am going to be blind or at the very least have pink eye to start the holidays! Not allowed!

So as I walk into the building and head to the bathroom to get a paper towel to put on my eye; which by the way, doesn't help, people now begin to ask me if I am OK.

Do I look OK? I want to yell but I smile and say yes, and then the unthinkable happens. I say that I poked myself in the eye while putting on my makeup.

Gasp! I just LIED! I lied because no one would believe that I got toothpaste in my eye, right?

And as I tell the "makeup" story to one more person, she says..."I thought you didn't wear eye makeup"

Gulp! I'm busted what do I do...what do I say....I say the one thing that could make it better...."Oh, did I say makeup I meant to say I got toothpaste in my eye."

She looks at me and says..."Girl...you are so foolish....toothpaste in your eye." and laughs so hard I wanted to put the toothpaste in HER eye.

Moral of the story: Watch out for your toothpaste....it might just put your eye out! or at the very least have you looking like you have a horrible case of pink eye!